i cant keep holding all of these emotions in.
i cried last night.
when its time to go to sleep is when im most vulnerable to my thoughts.
when im by myself and able to think about what's going on is when it happens.
thats why i hate being alone at night.
thats why im always trying to talk someone into staying on the phone with me until i fall asleep.
becky hasnt really been able to though, i mean she turned 17 two days ago.
i was alone for a long time that night. im surprised i didnt cry.
last night she had to go for a bit, twice. the second time she left is when i cried.
it was pretty sad.
then she called and she could tell i'd been crying.
i told her i was sorry. :P
she said it was ok because i was still in love with Christina, and to be honest she was still in love with her ex.
it made me feel better and worse at the same time.
its like i cant be left alone.
and truth be told im pretty afraid of being alone.
ive been doing a pretty good job at hiding everything from my parents.
but it's easy to hide my feelings when i have someone/something to distract me from them.
i dont know what im gonna do when she leaves for Vegas next weekend.
she's gonna be gone for about 2 weeks.
i actually havent seen her much in the last month cause she was at her dad's.
i just want to skip everything. at least a year. like that movie, Click. that'd be pretty awesome right now.