looking for advice...

be.the.change's picture

So im 21 and living in Ontario and am very very confused. Some days im sure im a lesbian, others im sure im heterosexual, others bi.... how do you know?!?!

and once you know, how on earth do you meet other people who are gay?
I hope these dont seem like stupid questions, im just so confused right now.

fox333's picture

I must say that I am so glad

I must say that I am so glad that you got on here. I have the same problem.
If you want someone to talk to I am here.

A lot of truth is said in jest.

ShowMeLove's picture

Welcome to Oasis!

The sexuality thing you'll eventually figure out. I don't have a ton of advice to offer because I'm still kinda figuring things out myself. Although, I think I get it. I'm just not a hundred percent. Haven't dated girls yet and so...yeah.

As for meeting gay people, I do have some suggestions! I'd say look into LGBT youth groups in your area. You can just do a search on Google, it's how I found the ones in my city (Although, that didn't work out to well, I was/am too old for the one that's still running.) If you're going to school, maybe yours has some kind of meeting for LGBT students.

And not exactly what I'd want to do. At least, not alone. But you could always try going to a LGBT nightclub/bar, if your city or a neighboring city has one.

I hope in some way that I helped! And let us know how things go :)

"Why is it that as a society, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"

fox333's picture

I nearly forgot!

*HUGS* and *RAINBOWS* for you :D

A lot of truth is said in jest.

jeff's picture


The easiest way to meet other gay people is to be out of the closet. I never tried while closeted, and it sounds near-impossible, so no clue how to do it like that. ;-)

If you drift from lesbian to straight to bi, let me reduce 33% of your frustration. You're not straight. So knock that off the list.

If you're into girls, and into guys, that sounds bi to me. You're not a lesbian if you think a girl is a hot and then straight if you think a guy is hot, you're bi in that case. Lesbians only like women, and straight women only like men, so by definition you're bi.

Unless... you only really like women, but keep trying to pretend to like men because you're supposed to, but honestly, it's really only the women that are interesting. Then lesbian.

But like I said, straight is gone, so that burden is lifted. And good riddance! ;-)

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

the ghost's picture


This comment is probably going to echo Jeff's above there as he has pretty much summed it up. If you are wondering which you are you can probably cross straight off the list. Generally straight people don't sit around wondering whether or not they might be lesbian\gay\bi.

I've been in your situation myself, trying to figure out which one I am and driving mysef crazy. I think my best advice to you is to stop trying to figure out a label for yourself. It will only delay you living your life, and drive you crazy. Just live with what you know now which is sometimes you are attracted to girls and sometimes guys. You aren't sure which you like more. Thats no bigy. That knowledge will come in good time for you.

I think having established you like both, you're next step is to meet some lgbt people. I'm not sure where you are living but most places have some sort of lgbt group for meeting, for the same purposes. Do some research you are bound to find one. I know it might be a little nerve wrecking to go the first time, but I can guarantee meeting some lgbt people is just what you need to do at this time. They will understand what you are going through and be able to give you some advise from their own experiences.

Best of luck and hope you find Oasis helpful.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

tenmilestilts's picture


i disagree with ShowMeLove (sorry!)...i don't think you ever necessarily figure it out 100%. i've been questioning for...idk, like three years now?...and i still don't know anything for sure, although i can say with almost complete certainty that i'm not straight. XD but even if you don't figure it out, you do come to terms with it as time passes. =)

so, that said,
welcome to oasis!
et cetera
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

ShowMeLove's picture

To be fair...

I didn't mean to say that she would know everything one hundred percent. I just meant that as a phrase for me being sure, didn't mean it as an exact science. Hah.

And, be.the.change, don't worry about asking stupid questions. There's no such thing! Ask, ask away!

"Why is it that as a society, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"

tenmilestilts's picture

don't worry, i knew what you meant. =)

just wanted to make sure be.the.change knows, it's okay if you don't figure things out. or if it takes so long it seems like they'll never get figured out. cuz for a while i thought something was wrong with me because things weren't making more sense over time.
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

fleetfootedfox's picture

I know exactly what you

I know exactly what you mean! I always wondered if other people felt the same way as me, so you have confirmed my suspicions. My advice is just go with it. I tried for a long time to find a label for myself between my sexuality and my gender (or lack thereof)... Don't try to define yourself. Just accept how you feel at any given moment. You are you and you don't have to be homosexual or bisexual or heterosexual. Be yourself and accept that maybe you'll never know for sure. :)

As for meeting other gay (or similar) people... Maybe find a GSA or support group or something like that, which you can join and get to know some other epic gay people.

Good luck! I hope this helped. :)
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

TheYOT's picture

Join an online gay community :)

I would really recommend that you join an online community and interact with other gays or lesbians in a safe environment. (Hence advising you to join an online community)

I am sure there are a lot of people that are experiencing the same frustration you are and there are a lot of people who would like to share their experiences and give you advice, like so many have already done on here. :)

The YOT - Connecting gay youth around the world