Riku's picture

Yesterday was fun. Hung out with an awesome girl in an awesome city. Was mad nervous for the first hour. But then I got over it. I was still -really- quiet though. Now she's going to go to some awesome camp that she loves the shit out of for three weeks and probably meet someone much more attractive than me. While I'm going to sit at home wishing I were at some camp, not necessarily the same as her, just away from home and family and stuff, I don't want to deal with them right now.

This whole "oh by the way you're not getting surgery next month" stuff is harder on my dad than it is on me, I think. He feels like he let me down, and he did. But I'm over it so he should be too. He keeps getting all apologetic and guilty and I just want to slap him. I was kind of moody last night because my therapist wanted to talk to me about surgery and I hate talking to her. And she kept talking to me about completely unrelated stuff. "Are you involved with anyone? Where are you going next fall? Do you have plans? Your dad has insurance for your state right? You should ask him about seeing someone so you can plan you future." I hate how therapists and consolers think that therapists are the solution to everything. I have a handle on my life. I just didn't want to tell her what my plans were because then she'd just ask me more dumb questions that have nothing to do with why she called me.

Since I'm not getting surgery though, I'm probably going to spend the next few weeks cleaning up and getting rid of crap and maybe fixing up my wardrobe because I don't have enough clothes to get me through a week. I wanted to save the wardrobe stuff for after surgery because I'll be a lot more eager to get clothes then but whatever.

Oh, and... So this girl just admitted to having feelings for me, not the one I went out with, a different one. Ack. I'm not used to this. I guess that's what I get for going somewhere with a gender ratio of like, five girls to every boy (well maybe it wasn't that bad but it certainly felt that way.) and I was the only guy within my group of friends.

She seems like she'll be alright though. I feel really bad.

Oddly enough, this has done nothing for my self-esteem. I just don't get it. o___o You'd think having options would be a huge ego-boost but it just makes me feel kind of crummy. I don't get what anyone sees in me.