through yahoo messenger, and then over the phone. which we hadnt done in forever, it was weird hearing her voice again. But it didnt take me long to get used to it again.
everything was going great. although i had the biggest urge to tell her that i loved her. and i ended up saying it on accident. she didnt say it back. and it hurt. when i asked her how come she didnt say it back, she told me she didnt want to hurt me again. then i stayed quiet for awhile, and then she told me she loved me. i was overjoyed.
then like maybe half an hour later, the whole us breaking up thing came up.
i just wanted to know the real reason it happened.
i didnt want to cry, but i did. She doesnt want a LDR. she cant do it anymore. i kept trying to convince her it wasnt going to be much longer. like last time. but she didnt buy it and kept telling me that she just didnt want to anymore.
at some point, i was telling her that she gave up. but she did. and she wasnt supposed to be the one who gave up. i was.
i got angry. and towards the end we were kinda yelling at eachother.
i told her to just tell me that she didnt want me anymore. that she didnt want to be with me. cause then i would stop trying to fix things.
she refused to.
i dont know what she said before she hung up. i think she told me that we would talk about it today.
but earlier she seemed like she wanted to get back together.
maybe she does want to. but she just cant handle not having me there.
"I'm not having th time of my life.
It may seem like it because I'm trying to get it all out of my mind. I can't.
If I was there...
I still get butterflies and tingles when I think about kissing you.
And I want to make you feel all better and hold you in my arms again.
But thinking about doing that and not being able to hurts.
But if I was there it would be different"
maybe she really meant that. maybe if i didnt live so far away things would be better.
i do want her back.