Baww baww rant whine whine

Dracofangxxx's picture

Are there any days where you feel like nobody will listen and care about anything you have to say cuz you're being a drama-queen-whine-whore?

WHOO I AM THERE.

Anyways, so I'll just write out stuff here and see if it helps.

Um. So I haven't been getting much sleep (This morning I woke up at like, six thirty, too) because I keep falling half asleep and dreaming that I'm doing drill, so I'll be like "WTF Why am I laying on the ground? I need to reset and do that run again!!!" and so I'll sit up and wake up and this'll go on till like, 5 AM or later D: It's so annoying...

Did I tell you guys that already? I forget.

So yeah, I've been super tired and just apathetic lately. I'm confused about boiz and all the good stuff that comes with an Ex who starts paying ALOT of attention to you. Yay? I guess because it's me being super straight about this thing, I probably shouldn't be writing about it on HERE. But oh well. You guys are my family. S'not like I could go to anybody in my REAL family about this shizz...

So yeah, today, we really talked more. And played. And laughed. It was fun. And then, we got like, a few minutes alone, and I was like "Shit, this'll be awkward" but it wasn't at all. We actually were pretty un-awkward. Then he had to leave, and I asked for a hug and he was like "Um... Do I have to?" and so we both threw away our stuff and his parents turned around and he immediately hugged ME. I think he didn't want his parents to see, then...

And his parents are AWESOME. I think I vaguely mentioned them when I first got here XD They both told me goodbye :) They're sweet. When we were dating, they always liked me. I think I was teasable. Plus his dad can't say my name right, he has a little of an accent and says "Chelby" it's really cute. REALLY cute.

We had to perform for our parents today, the intro and the opener of our show. Mom watched from the fences, not even the bleachers, so I feel like she missed alot of the show. My dad didn't even go. There was a football game on... Apparently more important. If I had a softball game, he would have missed the football game on TV for that. Sigh.

Then we had this part where the parents were supposed to come on the field and learn how to do our parts XD It was funny. But my mom just waved at me and left at that part....
So my best friend ran down the bleachers and became my surrogate mom XDDD It was fun. But still sad... I wish mom'd have done that. I know she embarrasses me and junk, but, I wish she'd be like other moms and not care. Hell, I didn't care. I only care when she's being insensitive to me. She says she wants to talk to me more, but...

She's not caring enough, you know? She probably thinks I'm stupid. I don't think on her level. Or, rather, she doesn't think on mine. She needs to be a billion times softer. I wish I had the sort of mom that's huggy and snuggly and likes to talk and cook and spend time with me. I wish. I wish, I wish, I wish. I think that's why I'm so emotionally whacky. I mean, I loooooove people, I'm just like that... Affectionate. But I crave attention a ton. I need other people to fill in gaps, sometimes. I like finding mother figures. It makes me feel... Safer.

Either way, I really wish I had a girlfriend, because that would help so much. But I gotta just take what comes to me... Even if that happens to be my ex D: I am craving so much physical attention lately! I'm a hugger, snuggler, and cuddler. Can't help it.

D'ya think, if push comes to shove, should I just take 'im back? Or is that stupid? I'm pretty stupid when it comes to relationships, but you guys are so smart. Help D:

Oh, and the question for the journal?

Are you the "man" or the "woman" in relationships? You know, like, whoever wears the pants or something. I think I'm the man... but I dunno. We were talking about that today cuz two of our members are in a very cute, very sweet gay relationship :) You guys would looove it. It's soooo cute.

Comments

elph's picture

That last question...

I really am saddened that this has to be asked. Sexist, maybe?

Anyway... my thinking is that the ideal relationship would be one of equals. Roles (if identified as such) are best enjoyed when discovered anew... spontaneous and unpredictable... each time.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Sorry...

Didn't know it was rude or anything... But there's always one more controlling person in a relationship, is all! I'm just curious...
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You are beautiful, in every single way <3