i just realized that i kinda disappeared for awhile. things have just been so crazy and stressful. im not talking to christina anymore. like, its been forever since we last talked. and i still cry at night sometimes. but not as much and not as often. i do miss her. but after the way she acted the last time we talked, maybe us not keeping in touch is for the better. maybe my life is better off if she's not in it....maybe i'll actually get to enjoy my last years in high school now....
i do miss her. i do love her. no matter what she does i always will. even if she forced me out of her life. even if she did it cause i was trying to protect her from hurting herself.
ive been going through periods where i honestly do believe that i was the best she'll ever have. i guess this is where this line comes in
"Ive got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck than anyone you'll ever meet. sweety, you had me"
i changed it a tiny bit, but only cause it doesnt apply here. or at least i hope it doesnt lol. but yeah. i get cocky. and i know i shouldnt. cause deep down inside i know that shewas the best i ever had.
you get 10 internets if you know where i got that line from. :D
well, the process of moving on is continuing. im in a relationship. she tells me she loves me. and i know she does. i mean if she's been there for me for going on 2 years, then she has to mean it. even if it's not "in love" love. i dont care. i just need someone to tell me they do.i just need to know that someone other than my family cares about me. i dont know how long this will last, and im not going to get my hopes up. i think ive learned my lesson. i dont want to hurt that much ever again. teenage love is stupid and naive. and i learned that the hard way. im just going to go with the flow. i dont plan on being in this relationship for long. if it lasts then thats great. but if it doesnt then whatever. i wont ever let something hurt me that bad again.
i love you guys.