Hey trans peeps!

swimmerguy's picture

I've never understood transexual people.
To be honest, if I wasn't gay, I might be a bit of a transphobe.
That's a maybe, and if so would probably be only slightly, but it is a possibility.
But, I am gay, and I do understand that it's not a choice, like being gay, and therefore is completely unable to be hated for.

So, since the root of intolerance is ignorance, who'd like to share some experiences? Not just for me, but for everyone. I think it'd be interesting to learn some things. What's it like?


Riku's picture

It's like having a birth

It's like having a birth defect. I can see why it's hard to get for someone who isn't trans, even if you are gay... Really, the only thing about trans people that gay people can relate to, besides it not being a choice, is that society takes issue due to its idea of gender and sex roles.

Thanks for being honest and respectful about it. I'm glad you want to know more about us transfolk. :] I respect a person who can step out of their comfort zone in order to better understand others.

But as I was saying, I feel like transsexuality is more of a physical problem and less of a social or mental one. Like, being gay wouldn't -be- a problem if people didn't make a problem of it. If nobody saw anything wrong with being gay then it wouldn't be an issue.

But while being trans can definitely come with social issues... I can deal with those. It's internal stuff I have a major problem with... I'm not a girl becoming a man. I'm a boy with a very unfortunate body. It's like looking in the mirror and seeing your face on someone else. It's like looking down and seeing a body that isn't yours. It's hard to deal with sometimes... And if I think about it too long it makes me kind of sick. I have to live in this. It's not even a bad body it's just... Not mine. And I can't fix it. Not really. It frustrates me because most guys are just born with male bodies... I have to work for it and it's a long, imperfect process, and expensive, and kind of life consuming at times. And in the end it's still not going to be the way it should have been. :/

Did that clear things up for you at all? Feel free to ask me questions if you have them.

elph's picture

A Great Topic...

It probably would have been better placed, however, as a Forum topic.

Anyway... I wish that you would expand upon this comment:

"I'm not a girl becoming a man. I'm a boy with a very unfortunate body."

Not for a moment am I doubting that this accurately describes how you feel... but what is it that tells you that you're a boy? It is this "feeling" that I'd like to be able to appreciate.

Is it that for you to satisfy both your heart and societal pressures... you feel that your perceived sex (if not physical) must be male?

Just a stab... I truly donno!

Riku's picture

I wish I had a solid answer for you...

You know, I've been trying to figure that out for the longest time. It's kind of something I just know. I mean. It's not for a real "reason". But I know it. I cringe if people call me the wrong pronouns (this was before actively coming out and transitioning as well. ) and I can't see myself as a girl. I've been put in dresses and stuff. But I would just feel like I was looking at someone else. I spent a good portion of my life not even sure -how- to be myself. I felt like something was missing but I didn't know what I wanted.

I mean, for a long time I didn't know that I was a boy really. I figured I was a girl because everyone said I was... So I figured that there was no real difference between genders, because I didn't feel any different from a boy. But I never really thought of myself growing up to be a woman... I just didn't picture it. So when I hit puberty it was pretty devastating. I used to go to my parents crying about how I didn't want to grow up. I guess they thought I didn't want responsibility or something. But I really meant that I didn't want to hit puberty. I didn't tell anyone the first time I had my period, for example. I didn't say anything until the second or third time because I had to because we didn't have any pads. And then it was terrible because everyone got excited and told me how I was "entering womanhood" and I just wanted to disappear. But if you had asked me why I was so uncomfortable with it then, I wouldn't have been able to tell you.

I did have this dream once when I was about 12 or so where I got turned into a boy. It was different from the dreams where I just -was- a boy because the whole dream was about me becoming one. I remember being disappointed when I woke up in the same body I fell asleep in. And then I was scared because I was disappointed. All I had heard about trans people at that point were things like how Brandon Teena had been killed for being trans and how terrible the surgeries are and things like that. I used to try to tell myself that I was a girl because I used to like the color pink and I went through this phase when I was like, four, where I wore only dresses (but I didn't really associate dresses with feminine at the time.) or because I had all of these stuffed animals or something. It was stupid. I was in denial for a while though.

I also know I'm not a girl because since I came out and started being referred to as male, I've been so much more comfortable with myself and with people. You can ask anybody who knew me around that time... It was like a switch went off. It's like having a weight lifted that you didn't realize you were carrying.

Sorry my response is so long... >_>

ReinbowGrl's picture

Riku I think you're

Riku I think you're absolutely beautiful. The end. And I do mean your soul, I feel like I can see you from your writing, funny thing is that in my head, you match up, body and soul. Thanks for sharing this with us.

- - - - - - - -
Grow tall sugarcane, eat that soil, drink the rain. But know that they'll chase you if you play their little games. So run, run fast, sugarcane.

Riku's picture

Thanks. <3

Thanks. <3

TotalGeek42's picture

The best way to describe it

The best way to describe it is this:

I'm a 15 year old gay guy. Every single thing about me shows this.. I'm one of my friend's 'gay best friend' in every way you could imagine, I have a boyfriend who's bi, and also trans himself, so he can understand the shit I go through. I could never have a straight boyfriend because that'd mean that he'd have to think of me, in some part, as a girl.. and I'm just not. It'd be like one of you, oh bio guys on this site, dating a straight guy.. it just doesn't work.

The only problem that I have is that my body is at a huge disconnect with who I am. I see myself in the mirror while wearing clothes and there's not even a second thought to the idea that I have a flat chest and my crotch is no different than any other guy's. As soon as I take off my shirt and see a binder, it's a huge shock. I can't look in the mirror as I get into or out of the shower because it makes me cringe, and at certain monthly points in time it would be beyond humiliating for me to ask anybody to buy me anything, so I have a home protection system that requires I wear the wrong underwear. Even if nobody can see this, there's nothing more humiliating to me. In thinking back to times that I was forced to wear girl's clothes by somebody, I blush. When my old, female name is said out loud.. I cringe. I can't even stand to be not-binding when I'm home by myself, although that's really unhealthy, because it makes me want to swear many, many times to have to look down and see that.. I can only not bind when I'm sleeping.

Although I identify, at least somewhat, as a transguy, I am also no less a guy than a guy with the right body. Every single inch of me is male, I just have atypical parts.. I can get surgeries or start hormones and get those parts to be as typical as they possibly can be, making my body connect to my mind more, but they'll never be perfect, and I'll always have to deal with that.. all I can hope is that I can get my body close enough to what it should be to be able to feel completely comfortable.

As for how I know that I'm a guy? The same way that you people know you're either a guy or a girl.. or genderqueer, if you happen to be that. *shrugs*

"Assets, assets..."

"Well I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves..."

"pretty pleaseeee w/ icecream and rainbows and and... NPH wearing nothing but Doctor Who-themed underwear on top :P ??" -holahaveamuffin -- Way to my heart

elph's picture

I've Not Seen a Need to Take Inventory...

... but my impression is that Oasis participants who are candidates for transitioning (or, are actively in the process) are almost exclusively FtM.

World studies show, however, that MtF is 3 times more prevalent than FtM.

To what would you attribute the apparent discrepancy in representation on Oasis?

To be trapped in the wrong sex is often mis-treated by the general public as being one of the many aspects of being gay. Experts in the field, however, categorically reject this.

Is it possible, however, that more FtM thanMtF identify more closely with the gay experience? Or... can one be both gay and transgendered?

Why not? But it does get a bit confusing... no?

Riku's picture

It's weird. My youth group

It's weird. My youth group is almost exclusively male. I know way more trans men then I do trans women. I think it has more to do with the "youth" side of things than the "gay" side though. I think trans women tend to transition when they're older because society is dumb and has more of an issue with trans women than it does with trans men. :/

And I dunno about trans women being that much more prevalent than trans men. Any studies involving trans people I'm kind of doubtful of because, there aren't a lot of us, and there are a lot of trans people who don't realize they're trans, who don't transition, who transition and stop calling themselves trans, and so on. So I'm not sure there's a way to get an accurate number.

You can be gay and trans, very easily. The same way you can be straight and trans only by liking the same gender instead of the opposite one. :P I mean gender and sexuality have as little to do with each other in trans people as they do with everyone else.

(And for clarification, I am a trans male, I have two X's and when I like a girl that's straight.)

elph's picture

Terminology, Please :)

Is translation of the terms trans male and trans female universally observed?

If so, does "trans male" translate as ChromosomalFtM or ChromosomalMtF?

Riku's picture

Trans people generally want

Trans people generally want to be referred to in terms of their gender identity, not their sex or chromosomes. So "trans man" or "trans male" refers to someone that identifies as male, and "trans woman" and "trans female" refers to someone that identifies as female. I've never seen it used another way except for by people who didn't know what they were talking about.. They were promptly corrected.

elph's picture


That clarifies a long-standing confusion for me. I'm a bit embarrassed to realize that I was quite alone in this regard :(

Riku's picture

Oh no, you're not. I have to

Oh no, you're not. I have to clarify this all of the time. Haha. Don't worry about it.

jeff's picture


why not desire people just refer to you as male? Why keeps the trans?

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

TotalGeek42's picture

Usually it's like that, but

Usually it's like that, but that wasn't the question, now, was it, jeff? xP
And anywho, some guys do identify as trans rather than just male.. it depends on how much you wanna be in the community or whether or not you want to hold on to your past.. sometimes people even like to be out to people who wouldn't otherwise know. It's a personal choice. *shrugs*

"Assets, assets..."

"Well I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves..."

"pretty pleaseeee w/ icecream and rainbows and and... NPH wearing nothing but Doctor Who-themed underwear on top :P ??" -holahaveamuffin -- Way to my heart

Riku's picture

Most of the time people do

Most of the time people do just refer to me as male. But if I'm discussing trans issues... Well it'd get very confusing very quickly if I didn't say trans male or non-trans male.

But trust me, if people were calling me 'trans male' instead of just male on a regular basis for no reason. I'd get rather annoyed rather quickly. I don't want to be thought of as a trans male, just as male. But in cases where I need to specify, that's the term I use. :P