My process of coming out...(The long story)

openaboutit's picture

It started when I was young I alawys felt more attracted to girls but thought it was wrong for me. (I had nothing aginst gay people though) It could have been because I went to catholic school. (churchs conflicting views) I spent k-8th at that same small school in a big city. i spent most of my child hood preventing any thing that could make me seem gay or is "gay"(Some Psychologist interpet it as a sign of being gay). In high school I believe I came out to 2 male friends (that later came out to me).[I also had a boyfriend that randomly told me he knows I like girls. "how!" he said dont worry I wont tell anyone.(later explaind I set of his "gaydar")] I noticed that some people had there suspicions but i still dated guys and said I was stright (I hadent fully accepted I liked girl yet). [I had some other friends I was close to that I heard say things that was slightly negitive towards gay people. It added to my fears that my friends & strangers would judge me. I also had the fear that they would think i was gay {unrational fear}.I wish I had stood up for those because I dont have to be like a person to defend them.] people I was even asked out by girls that told me I was gay (kinda offended me). Around the time I became ready for more people to know I was starting to look into the college I was going to goto. In the end Going out of state not to close to family, people I know, and where I could test if things would go bad.

Well in college I tried my hardest to just tell people "I like girls" when they asked. I was coming out to diffrent people and letting my fear of being judged go. When It didnt go as bad as I thought I randomly told people back home that I was into girls and I actully knew in HS. [I got things like i knew it,really, how do you know, why didnt you tell me, your just confused/experminting/havent found the right guy, its just a phase, or ok*haha unconditonl love. {Things that made it harder for people to believe/understand was I had a boyfriend(bisexual as well. sameone from high school) I loved and I had never actully done anything with a girl} There reactions let me know of what to expect from others and that people can be more accepting than you thought (even if they disagree)] The next step I took was changeing my orientaion on myspace (My way of showing im not hiding it from anyone any more). After awile of being in college experiencing new things and losing what I believe could have been the love of my life(who was actully a guy) something changed and I began to lose all those feelings I had for guys {like being turned on} and started to notice and let free my feelings for girls (which I beileve I made the choice to like guys and convinced myself some how to be sexually attracted to them just as a cover)

Coming out to my parents happened in a strange way that show me life suprises you. Im not sure if my neice telling me "mom" had suspicions or my mom sending signals came first. But im going to start with my mom. She took me to breakfest one day and started saying things and sending very obvious signals(its like she did everything except ask me) that showed me she was curious and wanted me to tell her. It ended up me telling her that I do like girls and guys but im into girls me. She told me(in a way like I had kept this huge secret from her) that see, she still loves her kids no matter what and it dosent change anything. What me neice had told me was that my mother was telling her things (wtf) like how she thought i was gay, she can tell because of her really good "gaydar"; its better than some gay peoples, and that she thinks im going to marry a woman. My neice made it seem as if my mom didnt look at it as something bad but a uncomfirmed fact. (Im not sure if my neice knew I was gay {I could have possibly told her or she found out some way or suspected it for whatever reasons} but she dosent seem to be the type to judge a person, especially family, on there sexual orientation) As for my dad Im unsure if my mom told him but when day when he got home with my mom, I was sitting on the couch next to a girl watching the L Word and something compelled him to stop and ask what I was watching. At the same time my mom was coming in the door and answered his question just like someone might do for a show like spongebob, unfased she continued to her room. My dad went to the kitchen, I got up to talk to him for all of like 5min then returned to the show. My dad just had the perfect timing, when he walked out one of the L Words very graffic sex scenes started. I was then asked what I was watching now "the L Word still" and I guess he had nothing to add because he continued to walk to his room(this house is not very big). I havent told most of my extended family or done anything to make them think otherwise.[We had this small family gathering for christmas where my family asked me a ton of "havent seen you in forever" questions. ->If I had a boyfriend "no" why is my tounge/lip pierced "I want it to be" when did I get it done "Ive had bot of them for about a month, Igot them at the same time" why is the lip piercing a spike..Is it to keep the boys away "no" (I think my dad said something to make it seem as if he wanted to know the answer) The family then turned to my parents and said at least you dont have to worry about her kissing boys.. they laughed (I think my mom and neice may have laughed a little harder because I like girls) I then said something that not everyone would say to their family/or not the type of family members like this. "Several people told me that they cant even feel it and a couple said they forgot I even had it so it dosent really stop me from kissing people" and I cant rember what happened after that but I do believe it didnt go to bad. {my grandma heard all this too.}] I am unsure how many of them know or if my parents told any but I think for most it would change nothing.{Of course this all happned when I came to vist because I live 1000mi away}

Where I am now, I belive I am possibly lesbian. It may make some people agree that it really is just a phase but its fine they can think what they want. I believe that I am out of the closet and have no need to hide this part of me from people.

I know things dont alawys go as well for people but I want this to show that its not alawys going to go wrong. For the people ready to take the leap I hope mine and other peoples stories give you hope for maybe for all others the stories inspire you.

Comments

epicfailure's picture

That sounds like me but I

That sounds like me but I haven't told anyone about it yet. Too scared to.

"Will you be my hero?"

openaboutit's picture

I dont like this subject line

Sure i can! Im just unsure of how.

epicfailure's picture

:)

:)

Delightfuly_Emo's picture

I like that story. It gives

I like that story. It gives me some hope for my future. :D