Transgender.Stuck in the wrong body,right?

thatonekidgabby's picture

Hello,im a new member.
My name is Gabbie.
Both my birth name,and trans name.
I'm 14.
Out to my family as trans.
But,they do not accept it.
I have long hair,no binder.
And im forced to wear girly clothing,and forced to identify as female.
I look in the mirror,and know that.That's not me.
I am,a boy.
A men.
Male.
I may have girl-ish tendencies or,i may somewhat still like men.
But that's just who i am,I like wearing eyeliner.
And im obsessed over hello kitty.
To me that doesn't make me less of a man,That just makes me who i am.
But to my family,that means im still a girl.
I wish they knew how i felt about myself.
Or.
The envy i feel toward other men or trans men who get to just be themselves,I wake up every morning,Hoping.That maybe my family my accepted me today.
I walk to the bathroom,and try so hard not to look in the mirror,the one thing that reminds me that im stuck a female until my family can approve.
I take a shower,and close my eyes.To avoid having to look at this body i have.
I go to my room,and pick out my girl shirts,and girl pants.Put them on,and do my long hair.
I don't like that routine,it actually makes me even more depressed then you all would think.
To everyone,who families don't accept you,for YOU.
Don't worry,you aren't alone.
Because,im living my hell everyday.As a female.
Just keep in mind what im keeping in mind:18th birthday,Cutting off my hair,Buying a binder,Starting T,and getting chest surgery.
My and Your day will come.
Soon enough,Just don't give up.
I came close to giving up.And i realized i DO have something to live for.
Live for the day you finally get to be yourself.

elph's picture

Please See...

Although this subject is better suited for the Forum (i.e., here), it is currently active in the Journal area:

http://www.oasisjournals.com/2010/08/hey-trans-peeps#comment-157069

Riku's picture

Hey man, I know someone who

Hey man, I know someone who was in a similar situation to you. She -just- moved out of her family's house a week or so ago. Her family wasn't accepting of her being a girl.. But she still grew out her hair and she dressed the part. Towards the end of Senior year she would come to school in skirts and stuff. She's very glad to have gotten out of her house, I'm sure. She's going to college where she can be herself now. But I mean, I know it was hard for her to live like that. She was expected to be a boy when she wasn't. You're expected to be a girl and you're not...

Hang in there. Things will get better. Do you think you could convince your family to talk to therapist about this? Most therapists who do the evaluation for hormones and surgery and whatnot are willing to talk to families too... Even if you can't do much until you turn 18, if you can do anything now that's better than nothing.

If you want I can help you find resources in your area. Feel free to PM me about anything. I'm trans too, but I'm fortunate enough that my dad let me transition.

I know there are programs to support the families of trans people. And there are books and stuff. I really hope that your family becomes more understanding.

thatonekidgabby's picture

Seriously? Your help would

Seriously?
Your help would be much needed ^.^
i know nothing of the outter trans community?Like support groups and resources,i don't get to search alot of things,other then body information and things about therapist.
and NO,my family already said they arent seeing the therapist with me.

Riku's picture

Sure, I can't promise

Sure, I can't promise anything but I can try. Feel free to PM me about it.

It's really unfortunate that your family won't see a therapist with you. :/ How long have you been out to them? If it's recent they're probably going to react badly to stuff just because they're still dealing with the idea. It's no fun but, it does take time for people to get it, sometimes much longer than we'd like. A lot of the time they'll start thinking about how this relates to them, "what will the neighbors think? What have I done to cause this? What about what I'm going through?" and then there's a lot of "I want my daughter back" and "what if this isn't the right decision for my child?"

Have you seen the TYFA website? They're a great organization, they're an organization for helping trans youth, their site is here if you haven't seen it.

thatonekidgabby's picture

I have seen there website,i

I have seen there website,i sent that link to my mom.
She checked it out,but so far is still not to fond of it.
And,recently?its been about like 2 weeks?
And shes still pretty iffy about it.
So i mean,maybe things will get better.
All i know is,when i turn 16.
If nothing changed,i'm going to do what i feel like.
But in my state legally 16 year old's can do alot without parents consent.

Riku's picture

Two weeks? That's not very

Two weeks? That's not very long.. It took about least six months, at least three phone conversations with my therapist, and a trip to a conference for trans people and their allies, before my mom started to really accept me and understand that it wasn't a phase or "some weird thing". It sucks but you have to be patient with her, this is still completely new to her. I think it can help to give her resources that she can check out if she needs to, like linking her to that website was a good idea, she might not be fond of it now but she may go back to it later when she's more used to the idea. As of right now she probably feels like you're putting an awful lot on her. I do realize that for you, it's very stressful because, she's not recognizing who you are, and you want to be accepted and free to express yourself. But you can't make her understand all at once.

TotalGeek42's picture

Halloo.. I'm a transguy too,

Halloo..

I'm a transguy too, and although Riku said pretty much everything that I could say right now, feel free to pm me if you need to talk. ^^

"Assets, assets..."

"Well I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves..."

"pretty pleaseeee w/ icecream and rainbows and and... NPH wearing nothing but Doctor Who-themed underwear on top :P ??" -holahaveamuffin -- Way to my heart

thatonekidgabby's picture

:D. i sure will pm you

:D.
i sure will pm you whenever i can get back on here for more then 5 minutes.

fox333's picture

I LOVE Hello Kitty! *HUGS*

I LOVE Hello Kitty! *HUGS* and *RAINBOWS* for you and welcome to oasis. If you need anyone to talk to I can listen even though I am not trans. More *HUGS*.

A lot of truth is said in jest.
Eminem

thatonekidgabby's picture

*hugs* Hello kitty is

*hugs*
Hello kitty is amazing.
And i will pm you :D
But like i said,once i have more time to get on the computer.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Welcome to Oasis, there are a lot of trans members (or lack of members?) here.

I'm not sure an interest in men is related to being trans, since you could be a gay trans guy, which to some will seem a long path to date men, heh.

Does Gabbie work as a guy's name, though?!

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

thatonekidgabby's picture

Yeah gabby works as a guy

Yeah gabby works as a guy trans name too.
I mean my name is Gabrielle,Gabbie.
And the guy name would be Gabriel,Gabe.
But i would much rather stick with gabbie.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Gabriel and Gabe, sure. Not feeling Gabbie as a dude, though. Only Gabbies I've ever known were women.

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

thatonekidgabby's picture

i just. I'v tried out gabe

i just.
I'v tried out gabe as my male name.
it felt,uncomfortable?i didn't like it.
i tried drew,and afew others.
Maybe i just havent found my name yet you know?
I'm still looking around.
But so far the only thing i still feel comfortable with is Gabbie.
But,i look threw baby names.I really like Troy.

Moon1028's picture

I'm a transguy as well and

I'm a transguy as well and also a fairly new member of Oasis and I haven't told my mom about myself, so far I've only told my friends, but sometimes people suprise you a lot. I think your mom might just need some time to adjust to who you are, and as Riku said maybe it's just a lot of information at once. That's how one of my friends felt when I told her that I am a male. She needed a good couple of weeks to process it (which wasn't too long) and now she's really understanding of it and she's accepting and always supportive. I think it's usually different with parents though, since they've known you for your whole life, and they know the female you, the outer you, but they don't know who you are inside, so for them it's almost like they never knew you, and when they realize that they always have and that you are still you, that is when they will most likely be accepting. It's easier to accept something that you undrstand because usually people fear only what they can't understand. I know exactly how you feel though, I wish I could help you out with resources and more on the GLBT community but I don't know many resources myself, other than Oasis. I also have heard of a book, I think it's called, "Wrapped in Blue", and it's a story about a female in a male's boy and how she lives her life and eventually gets tansition surgery. I've never had the courage to go to the library and check it out, but it sounds pretty good. Also, the book, "Am I Blue?: Coming Out From The Silence" is a good GLBT read, it had short stories from GLBT teens that range from coming out to dating to accepting who you are. Also, finding my trans name kind of took a while for me too. At first, I thought it would be Jake and I went with that for a while, but I didn't like it that much so eventually I switched to Luke, and that's my trans name now. When I see it written or typed out I look at it and something registers and it just feels like the right name. Also, when you can get on the computer more PM me if you'd like, I'm happy to know there are other trans people on here. XD

Moon