Yes I'm writing -another- journal entry.

Riku's picture

I have a lot on my mind today okay?

Listening to some different music recently. Usually the stuff I listen to is kind of techno or eletronica type music with heavy classical influence and sort of just rocky enough to be classified under rock alternative but enough other stuff that it can't really be classified under everything. And then there's some stuff I listen to that's just like, modern classical or somesuch. And then there's stuff that can only be described as "indie".

But I've been listening to the Gorillaz lately, which is a jump for me. And a little bit of Dead Kennedys. Gorillaz because I've been meaning to give them a listen for a while and just hadn't until recently. And that girl I went out with picked up a Dead Kennedys CD while we were out. The best way to describe how I feel about her is curious. I want to know what makes her tick, she's such a complex person. The kind of person you could get lost at some insane hour of the night with discussing everything and anything. I can't really do that though because she's off at some camp for the next three weeks. So I figured I'd check out some the music she listens to. It's not at all like what I usually listen to, and I find it's oddly therapeutic for something so... Hectic? It's like it's putting so much stuff into my head that it does a job of clearing everything else out. So then it's nothing but music. Most music usually does that for me but everything's been so wrapped up and pressurized lately that I guess I needed a more concentrated dosage.

But anyway, that girl... It's pathetic how much I want to see her, not like I miss her exactly. She just sparked my curiosity something awful... It's weird, and it makes me impatient the way you get when you're engrossed in some book and you have to put it down in the middle of a cliffhanger because you've got something to attend to. (I hate when that happens.) Well there's that and the fact that she's going to be away for three weeks and she's bound to meet someone less awkward/more attractive/less short/etc. than me and just lose any interest she may have had. I'm actually expecting it, because that's how my life goes. :P It wouldn't bother me too much if it did happen, but I think I'd be kind of irritated at myself for being so awkward/unattractive/short/etc.

I've been really cynical recently. I think it's understandable given my current situation. Every last bit of optimism I had left has been scraped up and tossed in a fire. It's okay though. I'll probably feel better whenever I'm done moping about how I'm not getting surgery when I was supposed to and how my mom doesn't really care.

I really want to get out of my house, not just for a little bit, but for a while. I just need a vacation really. Not like "hey lets go to some resort and be bums" vacation. Like "lets go to the middle of nowhere and explore everything" vacation. I'm planning on cleaning my room but maybe once I've gotten rid of all of my shit I'll just go on a little local adventure. Not as cool as going places I don't know but there's still stuff to be seen in this city yet. And maybe if I change my room around entirely, lock my door, and enter and exit through the window, I'll kind of feel like I'm getting out.

Gonna go to bed now. Good night all.