A snapshot of my screwed up brain

The Bookworm's picture

I think I'm going crazy.....again.
This time the culprit is RLS....also crushes.
To explain: I'm a bit of a control freak, not when it comes to what other people do, but when it comes to me; myself, my work (both academic and fun) my stuff. I simply cannot stand when I can't have some semblance of control over my thoughts (this is why I hate pain meds, and laughing gas) if I can't control what's inside my head, what can I control?
The whole control thing (which is related to my relatively well-controled and thus not medicated or offically diagnosed, but really, I've had it all my life and everyone knows it OCD) has it's benefits...I do better work because of it, but right now it's contributing to making my life a minor hell.
I have RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) which makes so my legs HAVE to be moving, regardless of my will. I can't control my legs. I can't control my own body. I can't sleep either, which isn't helping (you have to hold relatively still to sleep)
And I've been crushing on the same girl to varying degrees for about a year, even though I asked her last winter and she was SO kind about not liking me...also she's one of my good friends so I feel like I'm betraying her and our friendship for still crushing on her....but I just can't tell, sometimes it really seems like she's crushing on me, and my gaydar doesn't work at all for people I crush on...I can't control my thoughts, my emotions.
and it's driving me crazy.

Comments

tenmilestilts's picture

dude, clearly we have more

dude, clearly we have more in common than bookwormness.
controlfreakness/ocd
a dislike of pain meds
feeling guilty about crushing on friend who was totally cool when i fessed to her
...*twilight zone music*
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Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!

The Bookworm's picture

Cool...that's a little

Cool...that's a little odd/creepy, but cool nonetheless :D