Fo shizzle, has it really been a year?

swimmerguy's picture

Sheezus that was fast. I'll write my inevitable year reflection later.

Today, Chad was scootering to swimming, like he always does, and then a guy comes up to me and was all like "scooters are gay, you know man?" and I was all like wow. I didn't know people actually did that. Like, why would you just tell someone literally on the side of the road that what they have is gay? I just like still can't believe that really happened.
I was too stunned to answer at the time, but I wish I'd had the brain power to say something creative like "well, how bout I beat yo ass with this scooter? Would that be straight enough for you?"
Usually I have like a 2nd best rule on what I say in pinch situations.
Like, if someone does something, my response is usually like the second best thing I could've done, and then later I think of something Ahmazing and I get all pissed I didn't say it.

Ooh, speaking of brain power, I found out that, being a morning person, my mental abilities start out low in the early morning, quickly rise, peak out at about 1 PM, then slowly fall over the rest of the day. Evening people start out REALLY low in the morning and slowly rise throughout the day.
But that means that my peak brain power is in CHEMISTRY, and 2nd best is trig, and 3rd is Health, and 4th is orchestra.
The two classes I actually need it for, less so German and more so English, are of course my first two classes, with English being FREAKING FIRST, making it my worst class for brain power of the day.
All those other classes I don't need any brain power! The chemistry teacher teaches me nothing I couldn't learn 3 times as fast on my own if I felt so inclined.
That's why I love her, because that means I can decide how much chemistry I actually want to learn, if I want to just A the class, or if I actually want to learn things about chemistry.

Well, Chad is tired. I have nothing to look forward to. Except for that swim meet next weekend, which is pretty exciting.
But one of the things that makes life the most terrible is nothing to indicate it might get better soon.
Optimism is a tiring way to go.

Oh, I have a question. Do you ever like just wake up and have like a day or maybe even up to a week where you just feel like terrible and disgusting or being gay, bi, trans, whatevs? Like does everyone do that?
I just get that sometimes. Like now.


Uncertain's picture

On that question, yes,

On that question, yes, definitely. I haven't gotten it in a while, and sometimes it's so easy to forget it happens or what it feels like and it really just jumps on you. I think last time it happened for me was over a month ago, when I went clubbing. I always went straight clubbing with my friends, and they don't mind going gay clubbing with me either... but something about being 'different' really just upset me that night even though we went gay clubbing. Yeah, so definitely not strictly a 'wake-up' thing, nor completely random without incident, just like your mood was probably triggered by the event in the morning - but I think the hope we have for ourselves is that we think we're better than that and wish we had more control over it.

elph's picture

Don't Give Up On Optimism...

There's nothing like the great feeling that optimism can provide.

The killer comes when optimism suddenly collapses precipitously right from under you.

Optimism doesn't work just because you're deserving.

It serves you best when you're confident that the path to fruition has been very carefully scrutinized, with all real and developing potholes identified and filled --- well in advance!

With careful planning (scheming, if that's your description), optimism can keep your spirits on high.

With this approach, you'll never have a need for Viagra :)

(just kidding; the preceding, however, was serious)

625539's picture

Oh, I have a question. Do

Oh, I have a question. Do you ever like just wake up and have like a day or maybe even up to a week where you just feel like terrible and disgusting or being gay, bi, trans, whatevs? Like does everyone do that?
I just get that sometimes. Like now.

Oddly, I don't, not really. I like the fact that not being heterosexual has taken me off the beaten path, that I've been able to see the world through a different, sometimes outsider, point of view. I've had experiences I would have never had if I was straight. I simply cannot see myself as heterosexual, even if I was a girl, I probably would have been a lesbian. I'm proud of the way I am.

nothing is permitted. everything is allowed.

swimmerguy's picture

Well, not that I'm not happy about it

I'm gay, and I wouldn't have it any other way, it's just who I am. However, some mornings I wake up and just hate myself with a passion. If I think about how I like boys, I just think I am an abomination.
I'm wondering if it's like just a daily chemical imbalance or something...

No one escapes from life alive

elph's picture

Exceptional, Yes! But not... abomination!

Having the desire to share your love with another is a marvelous gift (trait).

The problem, however, is when we read and oblige those road signs (both real and imagined) erected by society that say... "best not go there". :(

The path can at times be tortuous... but it will be rewarded! Just keep your wits about you...