Is there anyone you've been crushing on for a long time?

swimmerguy's picture

3rd grade was, as far as I can remember, my first ever real crush.
In our school district, I was in the gifted program, which starts in 3rd grade. So, when I came into that one class with people that I didn't know from all over the district (but that are now my bestest best friends), I was, I think even in the beginning, crushing on a guy named Cody. This was like September, very beginning of the year sort of thing.
I only half realized it at the time.
Anywho, Cody stayed in the program through the rest of elementary school, then middle school, and now we go to the same high school, with some of the same classes, and I'm still crushing on him. That means that very soon, if not already, which might be the case, there will be the 6th anniversary of my crush, on Cody.
Owowo that's a long time. Most of the other guys I crushed on, either they left the program (In the original 3rd grade class there were about 24 people, which would grow to in 8th grade when the program ended, like 70 or so. And about half of the originals left and were replaced.) or I stopped liking them, which was a few.
I guess he's just that charming.

Ewwy, I feel sick. I have like a small, tiny cough. So I went to the Y today, to keep in shape, and I went swimming in the pool, and did some sets of reasonable difficulty, and I felt really good. So then I got out for the first part of my dryland workout, the second part I do at night. So I put on shorts and shoes and went running on the treadmill.
Now, the workout I do is 2 minutes at 1.5 mph, then 2 minutes at 2 mph, then 2 minutes at 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 mph. Then I do 1 more minute at 10 mph, then I do 1 minute each of 9mph, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.5 mph. It's a half hour and about 3 miles.
On the way up, I was feeling good, not really tired, but then when I got to where I start jogging, 5 mph, then 6, I started to feel sick sort of.
I wasn't incredibly tired, I mean, I was incredibly tired, but I usually am.
But I felt sick. Really sick. My mistake was to keep going.
At 10 mph I was in torture, so much that I didn't even notice how much I was sweating. I stumbled and grabbed the sides of the treadmill and put my feet on the edge.
I took a break, then went back down the set.
Afterwards I was really tired. But more than that, I felt really sick.
Part of that might have been running on an stomach with no food but lots of water in it, that I've noticed will do the trick. And my cough was probably also to blame. I threw up, and headed home.
I barely had the strength to get myself the few miles back.

When I got back, I was really dehydrated. I should have drank before leaving because of how much sweat I was pouring while running. But I thought it might make me sick again. When I got home I sat down, and lay there for a while, and got really warm under a blanket. Warm and dehydrated is a bad combination, as when I got up, I lost my balance and fell on the floor. I might have blacked out for a second, I don't know. If I did, it was just for a few seconds.
So, I went and ate something, and drank water, and just rested. I feel a little better now...
Jesus that was stupid.

Comments

elph's picture

Am I Wrong?

I suspect that the possible ramification of revealing your feelings to Cody (or to others in the stack of near-contenders) is envisaged as being just too risky?

I cry (not always metaphorically) at how much love remains unrealized in this world... just out of the fear of possible rejection: It's always easier to just not know.

So sad... so many moments of magic evaporated...

Without a single doubt... I'm confident that you have shared many moments of sheer ecstasy... but without the physical presence of Cody, or Conner, or David, or M, or...

So... the loss has not been total :)

But... hope remains. I'm sure that one particular "crush" will become mutual and so intense that the barrier to shared affection will no longer remain insurmountable.

This year? Hopefully!

The Bookworm's picture

I'm glad you're feeling

I'm glad you're feeling better.

Wow. 6 years is a long time. I can't even imagine what it would be like to crush on someone for that long. Then again I only started crushing on people in 7th grade, and that was only two years ago. The longest I've ever crushed on someone would be my current crush, and a bit over a year, possibly a year and a half but I didn't realize it then.

I assume you can't just ask this guy out, which is a crying shame. I mean, 6 whole years!!!

625539's picture

Liking someone for so long

Liking someone for so long seems to me nearly impossible. I suppose that to me, crushes are more curiosity and fascination than actually liking the person.

I agree with Elph, though, in the sense that sometimes we carry all our emotions inside of us, fearing rejection, because ignorance can be bliss. But I find that there's a limit to how much we should keep to ourselves...

Either way, you'll find that once you're truly interested in someone... Crushes fade. I do hope for you that you'll find the right person for you sometime soon.