I really don't like going out to clubs.
I sit on the side, drink, and attempt to have conversations with people over the loud music. Or I end up dancing with some guy, getting a little too close, and end up telling him I'm gay if things go to far.
I brush him off, sometimes not even knowing his name. I feel like a bitch. But, I cannot deny that I love and long for the feeling of being embraced and held close. I am human. I desire to feel cared for, protected. Warm. And lets face it. It's way easier to pick out a cute straight boy to dance with, than a cute gay girl.
I don't mind other social events, I like them. I never organize them, and I almost never call up my friends to start something. It's seems bothersome, and I don't mind spending quiet evenings to myself.
I need them to call me, to give me incentive to leave my house. I wonder if I am actually an introvert. I've read some articles on introverts lately, but it's hard to determine if I really am one or not. I'm certainly not an extrovert.. oh I donno. If there was a scale, I know I'd be skewed to the side of being an introvert.
On another note, this is my last year of my business degree at uofm. Next year I'm applying to go to Singapore to complete the last year of my finance and international business majors.
I'm scared shitless to be on my own for 9 months. I know I'm going to freak out and probably cry for the first 3 months, but, this is something I want to do. I want to leave home for the year to grow. I want to be thrown into a whole new environment, out of my safety square. I think I'll learn a lot more about myself if I do this.
Anywho, I'm sure some of you have seen this quote before. no idea where it's from, I'm sure the source is from something cheesy, but, I thought it was cute:
"If shes amazing, she wont be easy. If shes easy, she wont be amazing. If shes worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy."