fluid gender

centerfielder08's picture

ever since ive started to requestion my gender once again, thinking of myself less under the traditional female category, well its gotten me thinking about everything just about. and now , well, without TMIing...as i go through my period its really hard for me because i dont believe i really am a girl. this is tough.
anyone else gone through this?

Comments

625539's picture

Sometimes, I truly wish I

Sometimes, I truly wish I had been born female: girls have always had, to me, this sort of immaterial beauty and grace within them. I look at lace and jewels and beautiful clothing and I envy women. But I'm not one, physically or mentally. But I have, in the past, had gender "issues" where I simply wished I was genderless.

nothing is permitted. everything is allowed.

centerfielder08's picture

yeah. i wish i could be

yeah. i wish i could be genderless.
its just tough because im not male nor female. but i wish i didnt have the top of a female. thats hard to avoid.

i dont know who i am and i hate that.

it makes eli uncomfortable when i get my period like this. because i dont know who i am. i dont know who it is thats getting my period. because right now i feel like eli.

gawd, i wish i knew.

could i get a mastectomy without becoming male?

MacAvity's picture

Yeah...

I feel like that almost all the time. I'm lucky enough to have very small breasts, though, so it's easy for me to hide in male clothing and take on a less female role. I need to cut my hair again, though - people are starting to look at me and assume I'm a girl, which I hate. I don't mind people knowing; I just don't want them to know from the moment they see me.

I wish I had a more androgynous voice. Even when people don't know about my body just from looking at me, they almost always know once I speak in my horrible girl voice. I wish I could either have an ambiguous voice or the ability to switch between male voice and female voice.

Oddly enough, I don't really mind the whole menstruation thing, at least not from a mark-of-womanhood point. Of course, it's still miserable because of all the mess and the aching and the general bleeding all, but I don't ever have that feeling of 'I'm not a girl, so this shouldn't be happening to me.' I remind myself that I do want these body parts - I want to bear a child someday with my own womb, and suckle it at my own teats, since I'll never be able to father one.

But yeah, I do wish I could just not be a girl, not be seen as a girl, not be expected to be a girl, et cetera. Because I'm not a girl. I'm not a boy, either, but I'm not a girl. I'm just whatever. A person, in a girl's body.

centerfielder08's picture

Me too. I feel that way,

Me too. I feel that way, about that last comment you made...your whole lalst paragraph, MacAvitiy. You hit the nail on the head.