So confused and feeling like Eli.
This is so frustrating.
Trying to contain my urge to confess and use opposite to emotion action. Its hard.
From what I've read of yours, you seem pretty uncomfortable with your lack of concrete gender identity. Your identity also seems to fluctuate somewhat wildly. While I don't have that about the fluctuations, I do feel pretty genderless, but I'm actually kind of okay with that.
In my case, I'm totally okay with having my body be female, but I don't really want everybody to know that my body is female. I like it when strangers call me 'sir' or use male pronouns for me or in some other way assume that I am a bloke. But I don't know whether I'd like it if they did it all the time, maybe I just need the balance, a counterweight to being female all the time.
I don't know what exactly I'm trying to say, but what it basically comes down to is what everyone here seems to say, to the general effect of 'You're not alone, I've got similar if not identical issues or experiences, and I'm here if you need to talk about it...'