Good feelings, bad feelings, and Gorecki.

The Bookworm's picture

my crush and I have been getting more cuddly, and more openly cuddly lately. I’ve gotten so close to telling her I’m crushing on her so many times and never been able to. I know now that even if she isn’t crushing on me (and I really think she is, but then again that could just be me wanting her to so much) it won’t wreck our friendship. She told me (in a conversation) not to feel guilty about crushing on people, that it wasn’t my fault who I fell for. She wasn’t at our performance (she and I are both in the school drama department) last night, and I missed her so much. Her presence is sort of grounding for me…when she’s there I’m always half-paying attention to her, and therefore (by some odd occurrence) it’s easier for me to concentrate on say, my homework. I just sort of wondered around yesterday, feeling vaguely nervous. She also calms me down really well, just by being there. Nothing seems so bad, so urgent when she’s with me. It’s like she’s too beautiful for the ugliness of stress to come near her.
I’m going to have to tell her soon. I’m pretty sure she already knows, it’s ridiculously easy to see as for once I haven’t tried that hard to hide it. I’m pretty sure I could walk up to anyone in the drama department, say “guess who I’m crushing on!” and they would guess her first. It’s almost funny, actually.
I miss her. It’s weird, cause she hasn’t been gone that long at all, but since we’re in performance week both she and I have been practically living in the theater since last weekend, so a few hours absence feels like much longer, feels like she SHOULD be there, but she’s not. It feels like emptiness. I feel like emptiness. It’s not a good feeling.
When she holds me though, I feel like the song Gorecki, by Lamb.

"If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
for I've never known completeness
like being here
wrapped in the warmth of you
loving every breath of you
stole my heart this moment
oh it might burst

could we stay right here
till the end of time until the earth stops turning
wanna love you until the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for

all this time I've loved you
and never known your face
all this time I've missed you
and searched this human race
here is true peace
here my heart knows calm
safe in your soul
bathed in your sighs
wanna stay right here
till the end of time
till the earth stops turning
gonna love you until the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for...

all I've known
all I've done
all I've felt was leading to this
all I've known
all I've done
all I've felt was leading to this

wanna stay right here
till the end of time till the earth stops turning
gonna love you till the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for

the one I've waited for
the one I've waited for

wanna stay right here
till the end of time 'till the earth stops turning
gonna love you till the seas run dry
I've found the one I've waited for

the one I've waited for
the one I've waited for"

It's a good feeling.
It's a good song.

Link to a lovely montage of Jack/Janto torchwood relationship set to Gorecki. What can I say? I'm a bit doctor who/torchwood obsessed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnzd5EEkqy4