Him. Ugh.

curious-bi-nature's picture

So um. Ew. Breakups are the worst. Oh, I guess I'll expand on that, instead of leaving a random (true) statement floating around my head. I broke up with my 6-month boyf (codename: Paul) for lots of reasons.. But the point being I can't get over it and I don't know why. I'm over him, but not the relationship (friendship), if that makes sense? Plus I'm in the in between stage, where I still kind of like him but logic (of the fact that he was only ever nice to me) is going against the crush. Also, he's not taking it well, being really immature and stuff. He'd always had this thing that bugged me where he'd ask a question, and ask me to explain my answer, but get mad when I did. Example, when we broke up:

Paul: why are you crying?
Me: you
Paul: explain
Me: *explains frustrations with relationship*
Paul: okay we're not having this convo now

I see him every day at school and we have a lot of mutual friends. While being great for when we were together, it creates a lot of awkward opportunities for him to pointedly ignore me or my attempts at conversation. One of my best friends took me out for ice cream and gave me a HUGE bag of candy, both of which helped me, but what do I do for/with Paul? I feel like if I give him space and time to deal, we won't be friends. But he's resisting any type of friendly behavior. Catch 22. Oh.. edit: he recently started talking to me... but asked (even more recently) to get back together.

How do you cope with breakups/exs? Advice for me?


kahough's picture

It is reasonable when you

It is reasonable when you are young and confused to feel like this. I understand the feeling. I had a 1.5 year relationship that was exactly like what you explained. It was so hard for me to get over our breakup. Yes it was not a stable relationship, but I still thought I loved her. When we broke up for good I was crushed. I thought it was because I loved her (which I did and still do but in a different way than I thought) but in all reality the worst part of it all was I was lost when I wasn't in a relationship anymore. It is hard to get over the relationship idea. You have to push through it and occupy your mind. I wish I would have known then what I know now, I wouldn't have made the mistakes I have. You will get past this, it will be hard, but you have a lot of good people here on Oasis who can help you get through this. It sure helped me. Find something that you love to do. The next relationship will come in time, but try not to rush into another relationship just because you want to be in a relationship. I made that mistake and just got hurt even more. If you are not clear headed and just are in a relationship to be in a relationship you can become reckless. Don't be afraid of getting in a new relationship though, follow your heart and do what you believe is right. Just be careful. You will find a solid relationship with a person who will love you and care for you.
Once again, find something that you love to do. Try new things. Rugby is what helped me get through the hard times, and helped me realize what really mattered to me. When I realized all of that I got through the fog and found the love of my life.
Goodluck. Feel free to message me or anything. I am here to help. It is my duty since I got so much help from this site.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Give him space. Too much space, really.

Because then, if he really cares, he'll chase after. But if he doesn't, and you guys fall distant, then you know it was the right choice. Don't be the clingy one, that's never good. Time, distance, and patience, my dear!
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

Uncertain's picture

Let's not focus on Paul for

Let's not focus on Paul for a second, and focus a bit on you. Sure he is immature and confusing, but I think you need to 'get over the relationship' first as well. Once you're also over the relationship, whatever he does won't even matter that much anymore. You won't have to deliberately give him space or deliberately try to be friends.

curious-bi-nature's picture

thanks for the advice guys!

thanks for the advice guys! i feel like i'm over him (which, to me, is being over the relationship, as you put it)... i just miss being friends with him. i also hate becoming awkwardly distant with the person. i've always stayed friends with my exes.. i hope he gets over me soon so we can be friends. also, kahouhg, i thought i liked him (as a person) as well as loving him... turns out i just loved him. similar concept to what you were saying, although kind of the opposite.

Bi the Book's picture

in terms of getting back

in terms of getting back with him...id say that there was a reason that you broke up with Paul before and that reason still stands even though your not together. so id say, just so you dont get hurt again, that friends is ok but more than that might not be. and p.s. if u need someone 2 beat him up...ill go and do it! :-)/:-/ <3!!!!