It's getting cold

caraboo.'s picture

This fall weather thats finally is finally sweeping in, it brings back so many things. It would seem that my life are always is always at its height when summer ends, but once the leaves begin to wilt and fall from their home, so do i.

From my first serious girlfriend and i, pumpkin picking, going on walks through the forests, be a secret from my parents, the excitment of sneaking around. To my frist love, i will never get over it, and since her, its as if no one else is quite right.

I think of this and ask myself will i always compare people to her? Will i look at their hair, feel it, smell it as they lye upon my chest, and say "its not curly, its not soft, it doesnt shine, not like hers did. Its not that my loves hair smelt as somthing extrodinary, no, it was simply that it smelled like her, and thats what made it beautiful. Her sent, it creeped into my nose, hugged my heart, and made me flutter with warmth. Its as if there will always be a hint of her in me, that somtimes i smell her and turn, wishing, hopeing shes behind me, coming back into my life. Only to find myself alone, as i know i am, and as i know i will be for a long time. I was so loveing, so giving, so selfless.. And now its as if i cant even give off these gifts of my effection, she simply put, is the only one i wanted to ever give it too.

You know what i continue to find as the absolute best thing about her? The point that her and i, we could be sarcastic assholes to eachother, but somehow her sarcasum remarks, they completed my day, they made it whole, and my sarcasum was accepted by her in the same exact manner. Not many girls can take sarcasum espcailly not alot, and im pretty sarcastic, but its simply out of admiration and need to conversation, a want to talk. She understood, and she gave me more than a taste of my own medicine daily. This was somthing i adored.

this weather brings so much back, the smells, the cold starts to nip, seeing my breaths as i walk, i remeber how we used to joke about traveling at this time of year, to see all the beautiful colors. ah. this weather brings back once happy things, things that, as the leaves, have crunched, withered, and cracked into pieces.