My own little world (and Oasis)

swimmerguy's picture

Since entering high school, I've gotten out of touch with a lot of peeps. Most of the reactions I still have with my friends are just low key things, just to keep me happy and light.
Except that I still go to the Y every weekend with Uber Christian, and sometimes we bring 1,2,3,4,5,6 friends and have a little swim or run or weight lift or something else party.
And he also joined my swim team, so although all I have with him is boring Chemistry, I get to see him a little over the course of the day too.
I still have just as much fun at swimming, and just as much joy I get from dropping times and going to meets with my swim team friends who are really all great people.

But, for the most part, I've retracted from some people, and don't have as much deep interaction. And I've come into my own little world, which I am curiously liking very much.
Here, in my room, I solve my own problems, I comfort myself, I do everything for myself.
There's no reason to be bored, there's plenty to do. Dryland and piano and schoolwork and swimming, and I get to spend a lot of that time with just me.
I've always scootered to swimming, for years, and that was usually to get away from people, to just have 10 minutes in which to just think out in the world, outside, to just do something for myself.
Now, I don't need that as much. I do everything by myself, for myself.

Except, I have extra energy still. So I like to help people too. I help Ermo with his trig, because he needs a lot of help with math, he's not so good at it. People text me and ask what homework we have. I could like start a business with this stuff.
And, after we do swimming, from 6:30 to 8:00, there's a period where some of the younger swimmers have to stay and wait for transportation home, so I stay there, even if I have homework, and just stay to entertain them. It's unfair they have to stay there.

And yet I never tell anyone anymore what is exactly going on with me. It feels kinda liberating and trapping again. I'm always here to solve my problems, and there's no one else I need to worry with, it's just me.

Except for Oasis. Which is maybe how I'm able to do it. Even if no one pays attention, I have a place to vent and talk about my life.
Thank you Oasis. For everything.

Comments

hellonwheels's picture

your welcome dude.

vent anytime. and thank jeff and adrian for creating this site.

how is swimming going? i have a friend a little younger than you who is getting quite competetive, but i'm not sure if he competes @ your same lever, since he is in junior high.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

elph's picture

Sounds Like You're Living...

...the idyllic life that many gay teens can only dream of: Liking yourself (so important!), considerate of others, ambitious...

One potential concern: "And yet I never tell anyone anymore what is exactly going on with me."

Let's work on that one...

And, oh yah, just one more: You need to have at least one friend that always evokes a smile... one who makes each new day that you're together (or just passing in the hallway) seem better than any that preceded.

Keep Über Christian as a work in progress (just one fault?).

Dracofangxxx's picture

I don't think I told you,

But yesterday me and UC went across campus to deliver Blueboy's swimmingstuffs to him, and he started talking about you and your favorite swimmers. And how good of a swimmer you are. And it was really sweet :)
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You are beautiful, in every single way <3

elph's picture

Hmm... Blueboy?

That's a new one. Right?

btw: A good "read" is Blue Boy by Rakesh Satyal (marginally gay).

Dracofangxxx's picture

No

Blueboy is my boyfriend, formerly ex-boyfriend, we broke up a little after I joined here.

Oh yes. Chaddy? He's going to be getting a speedo for his diving or something. You must come to the meets with me to see the awesomeness.
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You are beautiful, in every single way <3