As much as I hate to bore any / all of you with details, I thought I should say about how I'm doing.
So I'm in intensive treatment again for currently the following: major depression, generalized anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder. i have previously been noted for PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)-like symptoms, though this has not recently been confirmed. We use a system of therapy called DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) which has actually been proved a very effective treatment, primarily for those suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder)
My treatment program consists of 9 hours of therapy a week.
Still at that most frustrating and agonizing state of having to find the right combo of meds. Currently, as I have been having what I think are panic attacks (though apparently, when I described my symptoms to my therapist, she said they're not normally/regularly noted symptoms of anxiety attacks so I don't know for sure if that's what these are) both Tuesday and yesterday--Wednesday. I've also had them previously, but two times in two days is a lot, there's no doubting that. Anyway, the doctor is thinking of putting me on some sort of medication used for panic disorders, I think. But we haven't decided for sure yet.
I told my therapist I was gay, but I threw it in in the middle of conversation so as to not have to dwell too much upon it quite yet. It was tough, because in individual therapy this week, I started to talk to my therapist about feelings I've never been able to talk about, about what happened when I had a boyfriend several years back now. It's really frightening for me, almost to the point where I guess it could be called "traumatic." Talking about it today was so painful. I know I'll have to talk more about it next week with the therapist again because I only laid some of the groundwork today, so to speak.
--I didn't tell her the truly painfully terrorizing parts. I'm sort of scared to do so.
Anyway, although I'm in a bad bout of my depression now and my anxiety has been high, today I found comfort in the voice of one of my best friends who called me on the phone today to check up on me. Felt great. I haven't talked to a friend on the phone in maybe weeks? Yes. Its been that long.
Sorry for this long rambly note, but wanted to get things out , as treatment was truly intense today.