Wow. This is...NEW?!.

centerfielder08's picture

As much as I hate to bore any / all of you with details, I thought I should say about how I'm doing.

So I'm in intensive treatment again for currently the following: major depression, generalized anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder. i have previously been noted for PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)-like symptoms, though this has not recently been confirmed. We use a system of therapy called DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) which has actually been proved a very effective treatment, primarily for those suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder)

My treatment program consists of 9 hours of therapy a week.

Still at that most frustrating and agonizing state of having to find the right combo of meds. Currently, as I have been having what I think are panic attacks (though apparently, when I described my symptoms to my therapist, she said they're not normally/regularly noted symptoms of anxiety attacks so I don't know for sure if that's what these are) both Tuesday and yesterday--Wednesday. I've also had them previously, but two times in two days is a lot, there's no doubting that. Anyway, the doctor is thinking of putting me on some sort of medication used for panic disorders, I think. But we haven't decided for sure yet.

I told my therapist I was gay, but I threw it in in the middle of conversation so as to not have to dwell too much upon it quite yet. It was tough, because in individual therapy this week, I started to talk to my therapist about feelings I've never been able to talk about, about what happened when I had a boyfriend several years back now. It's really frightening for me, almost to the point where I guess it could be called "traumatic." Talking about it today was so painful. I know I'll have to talk more about it next week with the therapist again because I only laid some of the groundwork today, so to speak.
--I didn't tell her the truly painfully terrorizing parts. I'm sort of scared to do so.

Anyway, although I'm in a bad bout of my depression now and my anxiety has been high, today I found comfort in the voice of one of my best friends who called me on the phone today to check up on me. Felt great. I haven't talked to a friend on the phone in maybe weeks? Yes. Its been that long.

Sorry for this long rambly note, but wanted to get things out , as treatment was truly intense today.


Riku's picture

I'm sorry you had to go

I'm sorry you had to go through something that traumatic. :(

And good luck finding something that works on you. I know finding the right meds can be a major pain. XP

centerfielder08's picture

thanks, Riku. I miss you.

thanks, Riku. I miss you. :x. i feel weird saying that, but its true.

i wish i knew what else to write right here.

centerfielder08's picture

one of my professors at

one of my professors at school....too bad she wasmy professor....i wish she was my therapist soemtimes cause she was awesome like that.or rather she was just so cool. her main interests and stuff (cause she's a psychologist) are trauma victims and GID (gender identity dysphoria).
and anyway, i kinda wished while i was in her class i could come out cause i thought it'd be awesome. but wasnt there long enough to do so :(

aw. shucks,

Feeling like Eli right now ,and for the past few hours.