Buzzy as a bee

Dracofangxxx's picture

Had a glass of red wine. Which, by any means, should not make me buzzed. But I'm tiny so there.

Had a pretty good Thanksgiving. Sort of avoiding to talk to people until my buzz kicks off so I won't sound like an idiot, but hey! I always do XD
And anyways, it's particularily fun.

I'm one of the happy/lovey drunk people, who just can't stop giggling or hugging people. Which is good, right?

Okay
So it's gone but now I remember that I feel like shit.

There's so much going wrong...

You ever feel like you're all alone, like everyone else just turns a blind eye to you? I see them up and walking like zombies, dead looks in their eyes and porcelain smiles. It worries me. I've been trying to keep my cool, but I can't. I am so, so, lonely. There's a little part of me, that wishes my boyfriend wasn't a child. Because that's what he is! I figured it out! I have a boy, when I need a man. He's the sort to be anything but the blame. Even if it makes me want to cut again. I can't ever tell him it makes me want to cut again, but, it does. Like I'm imperfect, impractical, irrational.

I don't know how to approach this problem though. How do I

out of my boyfriend? Without just breaking up with him?

Seriously, if he took our relationship SERIOUSLY, it would be absolutely perfect and nothing would ever be wrong.

But ahh, life sucks,

Comments

centerfielder08's picture

I hear you. I can relate to

I hear you. I can relate to so much of what you are saying.

Especially about the part where you feel like everyone else is turning their backs on you. And sometimes I get so mad because I cant explain how furious it makes me that I feel like everyone else is so goshdarn fucking happy.

PM me, or comment here. I'm welcome to be a listening ear.

Seriously.
I'm lonely as shit , too. Misery loves company...join me?

The Bookworm's picture

When I was in middle school

When I was in middle school I was invisible.
I told myself that I liked it better that way, but that was a lie.
On multiple occasions I literally cried in the halls and no one so much as noticed.
So I know what you mean about everyone turing their backs on you.
Now that I'm in high school, though, I can still be alone but if I get lonely I can find people that care about me, so life is good.
But I still get really lonely sometimes. almost everyone in my grade is unintelligent on purpose, annoying and oozingly heterosexual. Yuch,
centerfielder--I've never met a 100% happy person I actually liked. Angst/depression/pure and simple indifference emotionally can make for better people in the long run. No one who is all happy has ever questioned themself, and people who don't question themselves/their beliefs don't know themselves at all, which makes for poor company.

Dracofangxxx's picture

"No one who is all happy has ever questioned themself"

Wow.
That's beautiful, right there <3
Lucky that you can find people though. I have alot of trouble. Like, sure, there's people that care if I'm upset, but do they want to know why, or help?
Noooo :I
-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

centerfielder08's picture

yeah. i understand what

yeah. i understand what you're saying.
i'm in college now. well, taking a break this semester. spending much of my time in treatment. :/
dunno how i feel really.