and my internet crashed and i lost it all!
but lately, fml has been exactly how i feel. haven't been sleeping, high blood sugars, suiciadal thoughts/ tendancies. all of that shit has been building up.
this week i finally got approved for a credit card( statue of limitations on dad's/ gpas debt may finally have lifted?) idk...but first they said i was approved for a 1k limit, then that went down to 350, then my card comes and it says 250. I wonder if admitting to living @ one of my dad's rentals for awhile as a kid is what did that. idk. i wanted to be honest, but still
fuckung hate my dad's family sometimes, especially my gpa and my dad. nothing but a bunch of murderers, liars and assholes. i don';t blame my dad for always saying if he could he'd go back and murde them all. I finally sahre his sentiment. i truly hate my douche of a grandfather and my father! god damn them! fucked me in the ass all over again!
and now i am craving cigs thanls to ari, an old friend from my moms church. enabler! lol. but seriously, broke down after not smoking for a year and a half! ugh! so mad. but when you are down and depressed, its so easy to give into peer pressures.
also, Im now failing out of both of my classes this quarter due to bi-polar being out fo control, not sleeping @ all. and other shit. but i fell like i am back in high school, back in a war w/ my own self, my own mind.
I fully went to my storage sheds today mindset on one thing. getting my gun and ending it all. got there, and my gun was gone! hopefully my sister took it aloing w/ a few rifles to sell @ the show, but its gotta be there somewhere!
either way, when home w/ a few pistols since there have been a few sketchy drug dealers in my new building as well lately. i jsut have shitty luck like that. idk. i don;t do drugs, and hate my dad's family gfor selling/ pushing them.
anyway, i am gonna sign off. but its been a hell of a few weeks. how are y'all?