I'm writing an entry while I'm much calmer so maybe it will sound more sane when you read it.
Though I do feel a buzz inside my body. But maybe that's just me.
I really have been triggered quite a lot lately.
Another nightmare last night.
Talked to R for almost half an hour on the phone today as I sobbed. I miss M so much. I love her and I can't stand this forced distance between us.
I've had such strong urges and I think they've been increased under my new med, so I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and I will tell her about that. About how much worse its gotten for me. How much more suffering I feel I've done, how its more painful.
I'm having the same OCD thoughts as I had back two years ago. Ughhhh we're back to THOSE.yes.we are.
I'm sort of afraid I may hurt myself tonight but right now I'm distracting myself enough so I am fine.
I will write more later or tomorrow. I have quite a bit more to say but don't feel like saying any of it due to my current state of being is rather low. And I dont much care for myself.