Looking For an Answer

Yitzhaque3510's picture

Hey Oasis,

I am glad I found this place…..I've never done a forum before, but everyone here seems very knowledgable about sexuality and life in general. I am in a bit of a crisis though.
I have been reading up on this a lot more recently and I think I might be "mostly straight" which seems to me like a paradox. I have experimented with men before. Once I hooked up with my best friend when I was in 5th grade just because it felt good and taboo……the second time I was black out drunk and ended up hooking up with another guy.
I always notice beautiful women, and they can turn me on like you wouldn't believe…..i mean like 6 to 12 in a few seconds…..but I have been questioning my sexuality more recently, and am looking for a label or an answer or maybe just some security and courage.
My father is bisexual and I just found out a month ago he's been fucking my God Father, and my mom knows all about it. I have always hated my Father even though I love him……I would fight him esp. if he yelled at my Mother.
So I guess that is enough background, but my problem is not that I've been thinking I am gay, it is that everyone even my brother might be thinking I am gay. Sometimes it's just really awkward or hard for me to even say the word gay. I don't know what it is. I would probably fuck a dude……I always thought that kissing guys was weird, but I am pretty open. I just like woman soooooooo much and really hope that I never stop seeing them.
I really need help because I think I am gonna crack one day, and I just don't know whats going on.

P.S. I have done drugs since 7th grade……and have done countless psychedelics…..so for an example of what I'm talking about last night I had a party and it was dying down……I said something to an old friend and my brother about this girl chelsea sleeping on the floor, and used the word gay like it meant lame or stupid and then it got really awkward for me…..my brother was like, "gay?" Idk maybe I just trip too much but it seems to me that everyone around me knows I am gay and I do not yet.

PLEASE HELP ME

Yitzhaque3510's picture

Gaydar

Also, I don't know if Gaydar is real……but most gay people I know say it is and every gay person tells me I am not gay…..as if that would legitimize anything….

Sincerely,

Yitzhaque…..(don't go with the flow….make up your own)

MacAvity's picture

Hello!

Welcome to Oasis.

It seems pretty obvious that you are not gay. You are male, you are sexually attracted to females, ergo you are not gay. You might be bisexual, though. What are your emotional attractions? Do you like girls romantically? Do you like guys romantically? Neither? Both?

Yitzhaque3510's picture

Thank you for replying that

Thank you for replying that really helps….but what do you mean romantically?

Sincerely,

Yitzhaque…..(don't go with the flow….make up your own)

MacAvity's picture

I don't really know. It's so

I don't really know. It's so difficult to explain. But I guess... when you're just sexually attracted to someone, you just like the person's body, want to see it naked, want to touch it, et cetera. And... when you're romantically attracted to someone, that's not necessarily the case, I mean, they frequently go together, but not by definition. And... when you're romantically attracted to someone, it's not just that person's body, it's something more....you like her, or him, or whatever, with your heart (as in seat-of-emotions, not literal blood-pumping-organ) as opposed to your genitals. And...and your mind goes kind of fuzzy, sometimes, and all you want is for her to smile at you, or talk to you, and most of all you want for her to like you with her heart, too....

Sorry. That was a terrible explanation. But it's the best I can do...

Have you never felt that way about anyone? Ever?

Yitzhaque3510's picture

Actually

I definitely see what your talking about now……i just didn't really think about it when I first read your post……I definitely have felt that way about a girl or two…..but I have one really good guy friend that I feel emotionally in love with too but just not sexually attracted to….thank you so much you and everyone else has helped me so much…….I hope people keep helping me with this…..even though I think all my questions are answered……I still don't know why some people think I'm gay though, like even my brother, I always thought he was kinda ignorant anyways…...

Sincerely,

Yitzhaque…..(don't go with the flow….make up your own)

funnyflyby's picture

hm...

First of all, welcome, and YES, I'M NOT THE NEWEST ANYMORE!!!
To actually answer you, it's generally not going to help toput a lot of labels on. Just be who you are, and if you like a guy, like a guy. If you like a girl, like a girl. Don't worry so much about what to call it. Also, about gaydar: I think gaydar is real, to some extent, but never 100%. It's more of a feeling, and though it's right sometimes, it can also make mistakes. Also, about being awkward with saying 'gay'. Sometimes that's just not an easy topic, anyway, for queer and straight people alike. It doesn't really mean much if you find it hard to talk about. Good luck!

lonewolf678's picture

um.

i think at 5th grade it's hard to understand what you really wanted. you should stop doing the drugs. maybe you're bi... i don't know. it's not enough information to tell and if anything you are probably straight. maybe you should talk to someone close to you who can help.