I am glad I found this place…..I've never done a forum before, but everyone here seems very knowledgable about sexuality and life in general. I am in a bit of a crisis though.
I have been reading up on this a lot more recently and I think I might be "mostly straight" which seems to me like a paradox. I have experimented with men before. Once I hooked up with my best friend when I was in 5th grade just because it felt good and taboo……the second time I was black out drunk and ended up hooking up with another guy.
I always notice beautiful women, and they can turn me on like you wouldn't believe…..i mean like 6 to 12 in a few seconds…..but I have been questioning my sexuality more recently, and am looking for a label or an answer or maybe just some security and courage.
My father is bisexual and I just found out a month ago he's been fucking my God Father, and my mom knows all about it. I have always hated my Father even though I love him……I would fight him esp. if he yelled at my Mother.
So I guess that is enough background, but my problem is not that I've been thinking I am gay, it is that everyone even my brother might be thinking I am gay. Sometimes it's just really awkward or hard for me to even say the word gay. I don't know what it is. I would probably fuck a dude……I always thought that kissing guys was weird, but I am pretty open. I just like woman soooooooo much and really hope that I never stop seeing them.
I really need help because I think I am gonna crack one day, and I just don't know whats going on.
P.S. I have done drugs since 7th grade……and have done countless psychedelics…..so for an example of what I'm talking about last night I had a party and it was dying down……I said something to an old friend and my brother about this girl chelsea sleeping on the floor, and used the word gay like it meant lame or stupid and then it got really awkward for me…..my brother was like, "gay?" Idk maybe I just trip too much but it seems to me that everyone around me knows I am gay and I do not yet.
PLEASE HELP ME