The limits of 'Okay'

MacAvity's picture

My mom just told me she wouldn't be okay with me being transgender. This bothers me. I mean, I don't think I am transgender, not completely, not even mostly, but I am closer to being so than most people are.

We were discussing the awards presentation event that will be happening this Sunday, for which I will be receiving some manner of scholarship for winning (not necessarily winning as in first place, but earning some sort of award, I know not what) an art contest, and how formal this event might be, and what I should wear. She said I could probably get away with my usual slacks-and-a-dress-shirt, which is 'casual' for me but semi-formal for most people, especially boys, but that maybe I should wear something that actually made me look like a girl, 'Because you are a girl, you know.'

I made a face, meaning 'Yeah, I know, but I don't need it pointed out all the time...'

'Unless you don't want to be.' I made another face, I'm not certain of the exact translation. She continued, 'Do all that hormones and surgery and stuff... ugh, that would be weird. Don't do that.' I assured her, though not too forcefully, that I had no interest in doing that. 'Good,' she said. 'That weirds me out. I don't know if I could get used to that. Most things, I'd be okay with, but that...ugh. It would be so weird to suddenly go to having two sons. ...Ugh.'

I am fairly certain that I will never transition medically, with 'all that hormones and surgery and stuff,' but I haven't ruled out the possibility of transitioning socially - I don't think I'm a boy, but, then again, a year ago I didn't think I was gay. The thought had occurred to me, perhaps even a suspicion, and the same has happened with the thought of being transgender. So I suppose that all I'm saying is that it's too soon to say, for me, and the idea that my mother (the parent with fewer such qualms) would be so extremely 'weirded out' ...it bothers me.

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625539's picture

When I came out to my mom,

When I came out to my mom, it was difficult at first because she didn't really get it. It's harder for a parent on that level.

I remember when my dad found out shaving my legs and they totally flipped and essentially grounded me for a while. Or when I wanted to grow my hair long (I still do, somewhat...) they got frustrated as well. While I don't think I'm trans, I occasionally do experiment with androgyny.

The point is that they got used to the idea that I don't fit a conventional gender type. It took a year but they got there after a lot of yelling and fighting. Just remember that no matter what, you will always be your parents' child.

nothing is permitted. everything is allowed.