To Have Your Cake and Eat Superman

Super Duck's picture

My poor classmates in French have gotten everything terribly backwards. Irritating Girl believes that my best friend is gay, but he's every bit as straight as I am gay. French Class Girl and another girl in there, however, believe I'm going to marry him and will not listen to my explanations as to why that won't happen. They wouldn't even let me attempt to explain.

It's really funny because no one ever believes he's straight, and no one ever believes I'm gay. He's into theater, art, and music and is just generally not very macho. He comments on my earrings and stuff like that, which I guess could seem questionable to someone who didn't know him. He's also very openly and adamantly pro-gay. As for me, I am pretty far from the lesbian stereotype; I can't imagine life without my sparkly purple eyeshadow, my long, wavy hair, or the color pink. We both love women more than anything ever. No one seems to be able to comprehend this, but I don't see what's so hard to understand about it! We are not boyfriend and girlfriend or gay guy and fag hag! We are straight guy and lesbian. (Is there a word for a straight guy who hangs out with a lesbian?) What about this is so incomprehensible!?

Ironically, the guy is a very big FCG x Super Duck supporter. Eww! Yesterday, there were some random batteries in my purse. I didn't know how they got there. He said, "Oooh, I bet you and FCG are gonna use them later!" Then, last night, he sent me a text telling me to take Irritating Girl's place!

Then, IG made fun of some girl for having a "type" of person she finds attractive. Don't most people have "types" and preferences, though? I mean, I know I do. Don't tell FCG, but I've always had a thing for blonde hair and blue eyes, for example. Hmm.

Oh, my gosh, my essay on gay marriage is amazing so far. I could rant and give reasons for pages and pages, but I'm already about 2 paragraphs above the minimum limit... I don't want to hand the teacher a textbook, but I seriously think I could!

I want it to be Saturday.

Comments

MacAvity's picture

Yeah...

My male friend is the same way: totally into theatre, music, literature, et cetera (although he has terrible dress sense), generally unmanly, but solely interested in females. The way my gay friend put it: 'He's straight as this ruler. Give it a limp wrist' - here he held the ruler in his hand and made the stereotypically gay hand motion with it - 'and it's still straight.'

Yeah, people are funny. 'Specially the ignorant ones. When I told my Welding class I was gay (in an attempt to get one particular student to think a bit before applying the word to everything and everyone he found annoying), a bunch of them got all confused: 'Wait... you're gay? How does that work?' 'Um, some people just are. It happens. What, have you never met a gay person before?' 'No, I mean... I thought you were a girl.' 'Uh...yeah...what's your point? Never heard of a gay girl?' Whatever. Straight freshman boys. So clueless. Funny. ...And I've forgotten what bearing this has on what you wrote... Ah well.

Super Duck's picture

Haha, he asked you how that

Haha, he asked you how that worked? Wow...

swimmerguy's picture

Woah woah woah

Hold on a second... I thought that when you showed people together you did something like FCG + Super Duck.
That shows that it's FCG plus Super Duck, or FCG and Super Duck.

But FCG x Super Duck? That would be FCG times Super Duck.
Now that's really weird, and I don't know how that works, but I have a feeling there's some sexual joke you could attatch to it, if anyone wants to give it a try.

No one escapes from life alive

Super Duck's picture

Really?

I've always seen it written with either an x or a /

swimmerguy's picture

But like

when they put the cliche something like John and Cindy on a tree, they say John + Cindy, surrounded by a heart. That means John plus Cindy, or John and Cindy.
But x means times. Like multiplication. FCG multiplied by Super Duck. Or by the commutative property, Super Duck multiplied by FCG :)
I have a feeling that is somehow sexual...

No one escapes from life alive

Dracofangxxx's picture

No, I'm sure you're right ;)

-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

Super Duck's picture

Right about the plus sign or...

Right about something else? >:C

Dracofangxxx's picture

There's something else I could have meant?

Oh... I'm afraid I missed it... mind explaining, Super Duck? ;D
-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

Super Duck's picture

>:C

"I have a feeling that is somehow sexual..."

Splash's picture

Now I'm having visions of

Now I'm having visions of little Super Duck and FCG minions...

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

Super Duck's picture

That's not even physically

That's not even physically possible!

Splash's picture

I didn't say it was, just

I didn't say it was, just that the image appeared in my brain. :-)

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

Super Duck's picture

I love to ask people this:

What do you think we look like? Hehe. You've gotta have some mental image of what we look like if you're thinking about our minions...

Splash's picture

Well, I kind of associate

Well, I kind of associate you with your happy face icon (even knowing you can't possibly really look like that!). So I sort of imagine those happy faces, flying around with capes, for your minions. I'm not sure about French Class Girl. I imagine she has long blond hair or some such, however.

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

Super Duck's picture

You are right about FCG, but

You are right about FCG, but I don't have a permanent happy face. Haha.

MacAvity's picture

That is extremely cute how

That is extremely cute how you think about the love carvings on trees. I've been thinking for a while how I need to find a good tree and carve one of those initials-in-a-heart on it... although I think I'd have to use the initials-with-a-heart-betwixt to show that the love only went one way... No commutative property of addition for me, alas.

But yes, for whatever reason, hypothetical sexual pairings, especially in fanfiction, are represented with a x or a / rather than a +. I know not why. It makes no sense. But it is.

loreonpravus's picture

'cos it's "X-rated".

'cos it's "X-rated". Bwahahaha.

(I don't know either.)

terminatrix93's picture

I get what you mean about

I get what you mean about FCG thinking you're dating ur male friend. A lot of people think I'm dating my best male friend as well. No offense to the guy, but so not happening

I shouldn't love you but i want to, I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you, but I can't move, I can't look away
~Jesse McCartney "Just so you know"

Super Duck's picture

It's REALLY weird because in

It's REALLY weird because in middle school, almost everyone used to call me gay and stuff. Now no one believes me.

ferrets's picture

hmmm

off topic, but i think super duck should form a cult.

More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, that is true perversion.
-Harvey Milk

MacAvity's picture

You mean she doesn't already

You mean she doesn't already have one?

Super Duck's picture

I SHOULD!

I SHOULD!

ferrets's picture

wellll

she dosnt have a proper one, that learns how to fight with swords and does dark ritauls and like scary music plays when they enter a room.

More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, that is true perversion.
-Harvey Milk

lamb_da's picture

dyke tyke is the equivalent of fag hag

You're so beautiful, you made me forget my pick up line. ;)

Super Duck's picture

I'll have to remember that!

I'll have to remember that!