Transguy? Perhaps...

centerfielder08's picture

If any of you have noticed...I haven't journaled on here in forever , it seems.

I wrote a really long journal the other day but then deleted it because it seemed like such a downer.

Anyway, lots has been going on. I'm still in treatment, blahblahblah. But, in other news...I'm starting to really question myself.

I've been thinking of what names fit me. MALE names.

I may be trans. Kinda sorta came out the other day to one acquaintance, but that's about it.

genderqueer, at least.


625539's picture

What are some of the ideas

What are some of the ideas you've had for names?
(sorry if this comment is random :$)

nothing is permitted. everything is allowed.

MacAvity's picture

I had noticed. I worried, a

I had noticed. I worried, a bit.

Only 'starting to really question'? I had the impression that you had started a long time ago.... I also had the impression that you had found your male name... So what's new? How is this different than what you were doing before?

centerfielder08's picture

Eli is the one I've used for

Eli is the one I've used for when I've been feeling male over the past 2ish years I've been questioning my gender. Though, I started to think about it, and I can't tell if Eli suits me. So I've been trying to start again at the drawing board, so to speak. I feel as though Shane might fit me, but it doesn't feel right. I dunno. I think I hear that usually ftms can feel when they have the right name. I just don't know where to start looking again. And how to tell if my name fits me.

Yeah, that's true, MacAvity...I've questioned before. I guess this time around I've tried to explore my feelings and get to the bottom of them. I've been looking, practically nonstop, at YouTube videos (watching them) of genderqueer people and ftms.

I guess I can't tell if Eli fits or not.

Well, I've been thinking of it for a while now, usually, its a thought that I have and then I lose it for a bit and a few months later start to wonder again whether I'm female. Only this time, its as if I'm wondering if there actually is a future for my non-female self. But I dunno. Still not sure that I feel the way I Feel.

I've decided i'll write a letter to my therapist. Its scary to talk about, though.

loreonpravus's picture

When I'm thinking, I always

When I'm thinking, I always use male pronouns when referring to myself, but I hate it when people mistake me for a boy. I also feel that I'm a lot more male than I am female, but I think that feeling may or may not be just the gender roles and not what's on the outside. I don't really want to have a guy's body most of the time, but sometimes I find myself wishing I was taller, that my shoulders were broader and my hips narrower, and that my chest would be flatter. If I were born a male I think I might not have had such an identity crisis, but I make do with what I have.

I know I like women. That's about all I do know.

centerfielder08's picture

Loreonpravus...I know what

Loreonpravus...I know what you mean.
I have many of the same thougths and feelings as you mentioned.

elph's picture

How about...

...Evelyn. Rather old fashioned, but it does cover all genders.