So I'm back at home again, in my old bed. I haven't been here to sleep in three months. And it's weird, because at college I've been mostly presenting as male, and identifying as male, for the past month or so, even a little more than that maybe. I love my bed, I love my room, but it is so unmistakably a typical girl's room that I feel confused. It feels weird. It's like seeing myself in pictures.
Do I really live here? Did I really live here? I'm confused. I feel so comfortable in my guys' clothes, but my parents keep giving me the same old pronouns and names, and I'm scared to ask. So much else is going on outside of my gender identity, and I don't want to make too much of a fuss. But I'm wondering if I can survive four days of gender dysphoria. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know who I am any more.
But at least I have a break from school, and time to breathe and rest and think about what I'm feeling. I think I'll be posting a bit more as I try to piece everything together.