Super Duck's picture

So, this freshman guy sits with some of my friends and me at lunch. He mostly just talks to my other friends who are freshmen, and I've never said more than maybe two words to him. Well, he pissed me off. A lot.

I don't really know how we got onto the subject, but... Here we go:

Guy: If I ever had a gay son, I'd beat the living shit out of him, tie him to the computer chair, and force him to watch straight porn.
Everyone: What the fuck?
Freshman Friend #1: What if you had a lesbian daughter? Would you beat her?
Guy: No, but I wouldn't allow her to be one. I guess she could be bi in college or something, but only just for a little while... ((far-off, fantasizing stare))
Freshman Friend #1: Eww, you'd spy on your own daughter having sex!?
Freshman Friend #2: What if she was ugly?
Guy: Hmm, I guess she would be if she was a lesbian. I'd just beat her too, then.

What? WHAT!? Hopefully, he won't be invited back to our table. I usually just ignore him, but I was not nice to him after that. I always throw everyone's trash away, but I didn't even offer to take his. I hope his hypothetical future gay son beats him twice as hard if needed!

And his comment about lesbian = ugly made me rage. I don't think I'M ugly... Of course, I may be a little biased, but still! Am I short? Yes. Am I fat? Probably. Am I a loser? Hell yes. Am I ugly? NO! Ugh, I hate it sooo much when people think all lesbians are ugly.

Anyway, speaking of ugly, the teacher accidentally almost called FCG ugly. She kind of implied it. FCG was not happy, but I told her I didn't think she was ugly at all, which made her feel better a little. The teacher is so mean to her!

Oh, FCG did comment on a guy, but then she went off into this huge spiel about what she's going to make the person she marries do, and she used completely gender-neutral terms throughout the entire thing... She also grabbed at a girl's bra strap, tried to hold her hand, and called some girl I don't know cute. Give it up already, FCG! Out of the closet you go, my dear! Everyone is waiting!


Uncertain's picture

that is full of lols

that is full of lols

Super Duck's picture

I seriously wish I could

I seriously wish I could video my entire day at school one day just to show you all how funny it really is. Hahaha.

ReinbowGrl's picture

I'd like a gang of femme

I'd like a gang of femme lesbians to beat the living hell out of him. You are not fat or a loser or any of the other things you called yourself. Be kind to yourself or I'll find that same lesbian gang for you. :) And I'm a lesbian....and I'm pretty freakin hawt. Lol!

- - - - - - - -
I don't need company in the company of you. I don't need love, your love will do. And I've got you and you've got me and this is all you need. I don't need air, I don't need to breathe. I don't need rest, I don't have time to sleep.

Super Duck's picture

An ENTIRE GANG of hot femme lesbians?

Ummm, they can come beat me up ANY day. ;D

But yes, this guy desperately needs to be beaten...

funnyflyby's picture

what a CREEP!

blech. I HATE people like that guy. And come on, FCG gender-neutral? Have a plan yet? CLOSET OF FCG AWAY!!!! I'd really like to hear about that! (: out you go!

Super Duck's picture

No plan as of yet...

You know what then need to invent? They need to invent a magic spray called "Closet-B-Gone." Just one small spray dissolves even the most securely-locked of closets!

funnyflyby's picture


That would be so great... I could install it into the emergency fire sprinklers and set off the alarm. Gasp! Suddenly everyone is out! I wouldn't mind being open if everybody else was, too. It'd sure make life easier. Maybe if you study hard in chemistry, you can invent it. ;)

Super Duck's picture

Ooh, I dunno... I made a 78

Ooh, I dunno... I made a 78 on my chemistry test today. It's my weakest subject. But do you know who's GREAT at chemistry? Irritating Girl! Maybe she'd be willing to help me?

funnyflyby's picture


Does that mean you won't do the newspaper?
Would you tell Irritating Girl why, exactly, you want it? That'd be interesting. If you get some, give a little to me!

Super Duck's picture

No, in fact, if my chemistry

No, in fact, if my chemistry grade goes down to a C and I am asked to go back to study hall, I am absolutely doing the newspaper. I'm going to try to talk to the teacher who runs it about joining tomorrow and see if I can try it out for a week or so to see if I like it.

And I don't think I'd tell IG why I wanted the Closet-B-Gone! I'd probably just say something like "Because it would be awesome!"

625539's picture

Can I come to your school

Can I come to your school and beat that guy up :D
I know lots of hot lesbians who can help me! (:

nothing is permitted. everything is allowed.

Super Duck's picture

Sure you can! But you have

Sure you can! But you have to bring the hot lesbians with you... ;D

lamb_da's picture



You're so beautiful, you made me forget my pick up line. ;)

Super Duck's picture



epicfailure's picture

That guy really angers me.

That guy really angers me. Man, I'd fly over there and bash the shit out of him, with a bunch of badass hot aussie lesbians of cause;)

Hot lesbians on tumblr! Is know thinking of joining tumblr:)

* Like what Shaggy said "it wasn't me"*

Super Duck's picture