aaaaaaaaaannnd...

hellonwheels's picture

I'm out...literally.

So, as of late, i have been struggling a little...ok, a lot. in school, in work, in life...basically, everything has been bringing me down.

I have been so depressed the past few months i have hardly been able to function. School has been kicking my ass, in fact, i am currently failing out of it.

My mom wanted to surprise me for christmas by flying me out to the country she has been in for the past few years in the middle east and to 'talk' about why things haven't been going well for me and about the medications that i am currently on...

ok...

fine with me, but I was wondering over the past few weeks whilst getting visas, dealing w/ passport issues, and other things...'what the heck am i going to tell her?'

She wants a definitive what is going on in my life, and i was not sure to what extent i wanted to share what had been going on w/ my depression, causes and other issue i have been dealing with recently.

so, she flew me out to this country, somewhere here in the middle east, and we took a side trip after weeks of traveling the country near the school she works in as a teacher.

anyway, my good friend told me to get up the nerve to tell her, and told me to approach coming out the same way as i would a big jump on a motorcycle or a bike.

interesting analogy, but it totally worked.

anyway, i was going to tell her this one night (christmas, ironically enough) when she had been out w/ a friend because i got sick w/ food poisoning, and i was working up the balls to tell her, when her annoying co-worker who lives upstairs (the teachers all share apartments here) burst in w/ a bottle of wine and food to discuss our (really their) travel plans for going to the south for the next two days...so anyway, spent an hour building up the courage, then got shot down...:(

needless to say, i was pissed and annoyed!

so, the next day, I was feeling better and we got taxi down to the town south of us where we could catch a bus to the army base where we would get special permission from an army officer to go further south into the country where we would stay for the night @ a B&B on a secluded beach along the mediterranean, run, off all things by a lebsian couple...yes, i typed lebsian. if you know, good for you, if not...guess ;)

so anyway, we arrive @ the B&B and we decide after checking in, to go for a walk on the beach.

My mom and her friend read for awhile while i go for a swim in the mediterranean, and then i headed back up to the sandy, white beach, and sat down next to my mom.

after awhile, she and i go for a walk along the beach, much like we used to in california and our old house on the waterfront.

on our way back, I apologized for how angry i had been that her friend was there, and told her that I wanted to talk, away from her friend. so we sat down, right then and there, in the sand, watching the sun go down.

I began w/ school, the drugs i am on, the conversation that she had wanted to have...after all that, She asked me what factors of my life there were that caused depression i didn't think i could get past or get over, and i hesitated...I told her that i didn't trust her w/ that kind of info since she tends to blab things out, w/o meaning to...

at first, she took offense, then, she realized how true it really was...

eventually though, after she and italked some more, it came out, or, more realistically, I did....

i told her simply, when she asked again what factors i didn't think i could accept were, that i was gay.

she got a slightly confused, surprised look that came over her face, and finally said...'well, I had suspected it' and then she went on to talk about how i had all her support in this, whereas many kids don't (i know this is true, many kids i know are homeless or were kicked out for being gay)...and that she would still love me no matter what.

there was no blame, no what could i have donw differently....none of it...

and she even promised not to become a psycho PFLAG member. lol.

so yeah, anyway, I came out! not thrilled, not excited. In some ways, it was a relief, in others, it only created more stress.

on the plus side, I will continue to enjoy my vacation, and even though it's illegal to be gay here (i know, i know, join this century,sometime please) I will also continue staring at and admiring all of the hot guys here! seriously, everyone in europe, the middle east and the mediterranean is hot as hell! and almost all guys here, gay or straight wear briefs of tight, sexy underwear and tight jeans! why are foreign guys so much cuter? lol.

Comments

Meldiseus's picture

Nice

No really Nice.

I'm not gay (I'm trans) but I understand and It's so cool that your mom could understand you. I don't know If I could have done what you did just coming out like that (my parents are kind of strict but I know they care).
Any way glad it happened the way it did, and not sure it could have gone better.
see ya later(^_^)

hellonwheels's picture

thanks meldiseus...

is that the name of a god or something? just wondering...it sounds greek or roman. lol. and thank you. I worried for years about it, since my father was a very strict bible-basher, and hated gays, lesbians, blacks, etc...basically all things different from him. he even told me most of my life he'd rather have me dead than have a gay son...glad dementia set in, because otherwise it could hace been bad. my mom is very liberal though, so it went well. several of her good friends are gay, and she works w. groups like PFLAG and GLAAD through her church, so i knew she would take it well, just didn't have the balls to tell her.

lol.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Meldiseus's picture

Nots greek

Nope it's not greek actualy I made it up all by myself.
Here's a bit of history.
It started out Meld Dragon so the full name is actually Meldiseus Draconeus. I came up with Meld Dragon as a name for this character that I wanted to be, eventually I deccided to start calling myself that before I decided it lacked a certain quality that a real name should have so I changed it to Meldiseus Draconeus.
For a while at school I would only use that as my name when I had to sign something (I wasn't very talkative back then) but I stoped doing it after they started making a big deal out of it.
Personally I think it's the greatest name in the world.
But if it's too much of a mouthfull feel free to call me Mel.

All for one, and one for all. Three Musketeers
Never give up, never surrender. Tim Alen in Galaxy Quest
Life is full of beginnings and endings, and right now I'm kinda in the middle. this is from me(^_^)

Uncertain's picture

Well done man! Really proud

Well done man! Really proud of you, took you a while but you did it :) Glad it went well

hellonwheels's picture

thanks man...

It only took like 6 friggin' years. lol.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

JustmeTony's picture

Aww

I loved your story and it's so cool to see how you're Mom reacted and how much courage it took to come out. I still am building up that courage to even tell my best friend. Thanks for your heart-touching story :)

The Bookworm's picture

*applause* *uproarious

*applause* *uproarious applause*

funnyflyby's picture

Yayyy!

Goodjob! Welldone! Et cetera!
I'm glad to hear from you, I was getting a bit worried. Phew.
Also, I have absolutely no idea what is meant by 'lebsians'. Can someone please enlighten me?
Wow.woW

hellonwheels's picture

thanks!

for the congrats and for the worry. I dunno what has been going on w/ this site, but i haven't been able to post due to triggering some spam filter thing for awhile now.

btw, lebsian = lebanese lesbian.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Quietwarrior's picture

haha

haha yes a lot of guys wear skinny jeans here in europe. Go to Germany they have seriously fit dudes in well very tight jeans. Also glad you had the courage to tell your mum

MacAvity's picture

Oh, Hell, that's awesome!

Oh, Hell, that's awesome! Good for you! It has been a long time!