This particular song, Shake the Disease, is pretty much how I feel right now.
"Can't you see it's misery
And torture for me
When I'm misunderstood
Try as hard as you can, I've tried as hard as I could
To make you see
How important it is for me"
This part of the song reminds me of trying to explain trans issues to my parents. I've been trying to explain to them why it matters to me what they call me, but it's really difficult to make that clear. And it is torture for me to be misunderstood.
"Here is a plea
From my heart to you
Nobody knows me
As well as you do
You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue
In situations like these"
The fact that these lyrics mean something to me right now is a sign to me that I'm being more mature about my difficulties with my parents. I know that my parents do know me very well, and that they do love me a lot. But I also know that in situations like these- tense, emotional situations- I do have a disease that takes hold of my tongue. I yell, cry, get upset, say harsh things, and sometimes I just don't have the words to say what I want to say to them. So I hope they understand it's hard for me to have these conversations, and that I don't honestly want to get angry with or hurt them.
The rest of the song reminds me more of what my girlfriend has said to me.
"Some people have to be
Lovers devoted to
Each other forever
Now I've got things to do
And I've said before that I know you have too
When I'm not there
In spirit I'll be there"
She's said pretty much these exact words to me when I've been clinging to her a lot. I do have trouble understanding that she does still love me even if she has other things she needs to do with her life. And in the same way that the chorus applies to me, it applies to her in that sometimes she wants to say these things to me about needing her space, but she has trouble doing it, and sometimes the words she uses hurt me or aren't quite what she wants to say, but again, that's just a difficulty she has with being clear about what she means sometimes.
I feel like the chorus also reflects what my parents are experiencing. They don't really know the right words to say. But at the same time, I do know them well, and I should be able to see that even when they don't get things quite right, they are trying.
Hmm. I'm considering showing them the lyrics to this song to help explain what I'm going through, and to show them that I do know they love me, I'm just having trouble dealing with them misunderstanding me. And that's partly my fault, because when I get upset, it's hard for me to be articulate. Any thoughts? Sound like a good idea?
Also, if you need some more Depeche Mode (of course you do), some other songs I find relevant to transness or LGB-ness:
Everything Counts- all about competition and selfishness in our world; I find it relevant to some pressures on masculine-identified people to be competitive
Never Let Me Down Again- okay, the song is about drugs, but tell me this doesn't sound like it could go on a slash fanmix :P
People are People- generally questioning why people hate each other for nonsensical reasons, but I also tend to think of trans men and cis men coming into conflict because of the lines about wondering what makes a man hate another man: this could be really general, but because of my own experience, I think a possible interpretation could be questioning why a cisgendered man would hate a trans man instead of viewing him as a brother
In general, the band also has a bit of a genderqueer/femmey vibe to me, and I sort of wish I could pull off some of their looks. :)