I never thought I'd say this again

Dracofangxxx's picture

but damn, son. I am so depressed.

I've felt sad for a few weeks or something, but, holy shit. I haven't felt this bad for a long time. I don't even know what's wrong!!! I hate this. I am so emotional and I really just want to cry all the time.

I wouldn't be so pissed off at being sad if it wouldn't have been going on for so long :U

Augh and I got my first mean comment on a picture I drew for Super Duck and it's really been bothering me. All they said was:

"You might want to look up some anatomy tutorials".
That was their whole comment.

Now this picture I drew SO quickly and so halfassedly I can't even believe it, so I replied by telling them "It says it's sloppy in the description, I know my anatomy's bad in this, it's just a gift and the person I made it for is obviously happy. Sounds like you might want to get some manners."

and then she started bitch-fitting to me about how she wasn't being rude, and so I said "well you could have said one nice thing to balance it out"
"So you can't handle anything that isn't asskissing?"
"No, just tell me what specific anatomy sucks and what to fix it. Your comment was neither helpful nor was it polite."
"Well, ALL of your anatomy is rather terrible, to be honest".

GOD, WHAT. Why do people like that feel the need to tell me that my art is bad? I know it is. I don't need it rubbed in. And then some other girl got in and was like "How is she being impolite" and I just ignored her.

Do you guys think she was being rude? She didn't say a nice thing about my picture at all :c

I got so self conscious I sent it to my scrap pile.

I feel like such shit right now. I feel ugly and mean and stupid and pathetic. I had mostly fun at my birthday but my depression hit really hard at the end of the day so I pretended I was sleeping albeit it didn't really work. Boyfriend pulled the blanket off my face and touched the space next to the bridge of my nose a few times and he knew what was going on.

I just, I need to hear him tell me nice things right now. He usually writes me some sort of sweet email for my birthday or Christmas and he didn't this year. I've felt really bad about it. So today, (I probably shouldn't tell you cause it's private but I'm sad so eh) I was like "How much do you love me?"
"I love you a whole lot"
"Okay"
*goes to play game*
*GMAIL BEEP*
...is playing game
when I got back, he had said
"<3 I love you so much Shelby <3 I don't know what I'd do with out you"

:'D
I felt happy again after that, because that's like the first really touching, sweet thing he's said since we got back together.
But then that comment thing happened.
And now I feel like shit again. And I want him to tell me I'm beautiful and special and his angel and all that good stuff and I just don't think I have the heart, because I think he'd get mad at me.

-I just need him to be here for me right now-

I'm awful lonely. Only gots a few people who brighten up my day now and I'm waiting for one of them to get online. I fell asleep and got on late and maybe that's why they're not on.

OH THEY GOT ON YAYYYY

I dunno.
I'm so pathetic. I shouldn't have to be told that I'm great to feel good. But I really don't know what's wrong with me right now. I feel so bad. I hate this feeling. HAAAAAATE. Some people like to pretend they're depressed to get pity and I hate them. I hate that they'd pretend to know what this feels like.

I'm more mad, then sad. But I FEEL sad. I don't know how to explain that. Everything makes me cry. I don't want to cry.

I want to be beautiful

Comments

funnyflyby's picture

Hm,

random venomous comments can hurt, huh? Nah, won't say any more on that. The depression doesn't need my help.
And- my whole day's um... goodness can be determined by whether or not Eli's on Oasis. So... you aren't the only one there :D
Don't cry. :( I like you, even if you kinda hurt my feelings before. And I hold serious grudges, so know that for me to not be bitter you must be REALLY awesome. Just know that, 'kay?
Wow.woW

Dracofangxxx's picture

Heyhey I was drunk and I felt exactly like I do right now

Which isn't an excuse, but,

At least I apologized and knew I was being a biotch. I mean, I can take criticism if it's like "Oh your leg isn't modeled right, look at this, it's supposed to be like this". But just being like "lol your anatomy, it sucks, derp" pisses me off. Like, yeahhh, I KNOW THAT, but what is so bad about it and what should I do :I

Thanks. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but I did have stuff to say. I just come off harsh because I've been feeling like crap. Which I don't like D: < Not at all.

But seriously, thanks. Glad to know you don't hate me. When you didn't get on I felt like spit cause I thought I made you swear off Oasis or something.
-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

funnyflyby's picture

It takes more than that!

To make me swear off Oasis, I mean.
And yeah, 'sokay. Apology accepted, you were saying your opinions.
Now, since I'm in Delirious Mode, I'll use my Laser Wand to kaZap your crappy-feelings away. kaZAP!
Hm... something seems to be wrong with my mind. I'll get back to you on that.
Wow.woW

625539's picture

yeah, i know what you mean

yeah, i know what you mean for art...
in darkroom we critique each other's work, having 30 people pick out EXACTLY what is wrong with EVERY print you make really, really sucks.

but at least that's constructive.

"pleasure is absolute, pain is relative."

Dracofangxxx's picture

Man, I'd probably die

I can take critiquing if they're, you know, intelligent :P

But I'm sure you're an awesome photographer and they have almost nothing to say, right? :)
-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

625539's picture

when you're printing in a

when you're printing in a darkroom a lot of it is technical stuff
it takes about an hour to do ONE print properly... excluding the time it takes to develop
so you have a lot of technical stuff to worry about and then there's if the images are actually good (well composed, ect.)

but essentially yeah i've gotten a lot of bad critique though
but it just helps to make it better for next time

"pleasure is absolute, pain is relative."

Quietwarrior's picture

-

With Art i can agree as most of my work is quite controversial against everybody's else's and a lot of people don't get the message i am trying to make

Dracofangxxx's picture

Eh, it wasn't so much they didn't get it

It's just they had nothing nice to say, at all. Like, the only thing that they felt from my picture is "wow bad anatomy" ._.
-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

Uncertain's picture

I hope this is at least constructive

I'm a little unsure why you're this upset over the comment about your drawing unless you pride yourself over your skill or your work (or the opinions of that particular offending person), which then would be fair enough. But the first thing I would say is the cliche that you should strive to reduce the need for others' approval (boyfriend likewise). People shouldn't have that much control over you. As to how, that is more than the scope of this single comment. Second point ties in closely, that people are always going to be mean. So it becomes less a question about the wrongness of behaviour but just how to deal with it.

Thirdly, which depends on the context and purpose of the art you create. People can be polite, but I think art is more about eliciting a reaction. In some ways, regardless of any malice, her comment was probably constructive. I guess I'm being harsh, it's just some of my friends taking a fine arts course continuously get destroyed by their professors and peers without mercy (which apparently is preparing them for the real world). Of course you're not drawing this duck as a profession... but if you want to proceed with art that's the sort of criticism you probably have to handle.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Eh, the thing is, I know my art isn't too great.

But I do pride myself on SOME things about my art. I feel bad because that person felt the need to tell me that my anatomy is bad, which it IS, but definitely not as bad as she was making it out to be. I do study anatomy but I'm still young and still improving D:

And I don't know, it just bothered me 'cause I've been so emotional lately.

My art has really nothing to do with eliciting an emotion, it's just, you know, a picture. I'm nowhere near a fantastic artist nor is it something I could do my whole life long. I just like to draw for fun. Hence why a little picture for Super Duck wasn't exactly beautiful nor was it supposed to be. I don't get why people feel the need to just tell me what's bad with it. I tried to get her to tell me what specifically was bad and she just resorted to "Well honestly all of your anatomy is horrible".
Is that not rude? She tried to put it off as not being rude.

I don't know, she got continually rude to me and it made it alot worse :/
-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

Meldiseus's picture

Understanding

Hia Draco I'd like to say I know where your coming from since I'm a bit of an artist myself.
What I would like to say is that some people just can't help being mean. Mabey she had a bad day, week, got turned down by boyfriend or girlfriend or for a new job. hell mabey she just got a bad nights sleep.

Look the point is that some people can stop themselves others can't. either way you can't let it get to you.

sincerly Mel

Dracofangxxx's picture

Haha, yeah :)

I know, I let people get to me :P

I'm feeling alot better today so I hope I'm not all BAWWWW again XD
but the funny thing is her page was covered with comments like "What the hell is wrong with you?" and "You're such a biotch, stop being so effing rude" and stuff, and she was like "Yeahhh, I can be a biotch sometimes"
and I'm like
Augh I'm just another one of the victims, I guess :I
-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

hellonwheels's picture

shelby...

you are awesome...just sayin'...i'll hold you to the idea of meeting up soon sometime...

and your art, should be only for you...don't let her criticize something you made just for your friend. I agree w/ max and many of the comments above.

-hell

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Dracofangxxx's picture

Haha :) thank you so much!

Augh, I try, but I'm just naturally a b itch ;D Especially when I'm cranky!
Big momma Shelb ain't gonna take no effin' shizz from people ;)
-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3