but damn, son. I am so depressed.
I've felt sad for a few weeks or something, but, holy shit. I haven't felt this bad for a long time. I don't even know what's wrong!!! I hate this. I am so emotional and I really just want to cry all the time.
I wouldn't be so pissed off at being sad if it wouldn't have been going on for so long :U
Augh and I got my first mean comment on a picture I drew for Super Duck and it's really been bothering me. All they said was:
"You might want to look up some anatomy tutorials".
That was their whole comment.
Now this picture I drew SO quickly and so halfassedly I can't even believe it, so I replied by telling them "It says it's sloppy in the description, I know my anatomy's bad in this, it's just a gift and the person I made it for is obviously happy. Sounds like you might want to get some manners."
and then she started bitch-fitting to me about how she wasn't being rude, and so I said "well you could have said one nice thing to balance it out"
"So you can't handle anything that isn't asskissing?"
"No, just tell me what specific anatomy sucks and what to fix it. Your comment was neither helpful nor was it polite."
"Well, ALL of your anatomy is rather terrible, to be honest".
GOD, WHAT. Why do people like that feel the need to tell me that my art is bad? I know it is. I don't need it rubbed in. And then some other girl got in and was like "How is she being impolite" and I just ignored her.
Do you guys think she was being rude? She didn't say a nice thing about my picture at all :c
I got so self conscious I sent it to my scrap pile.
I feel like such shit right now. I feel ugly and mean and stupid and pathetic. I had mostly fun at my birthday but my depression hit really hard at the end of the day so I pretended I was sleeping albeit it didn't really work. Boyfriend pulled the blanket off my face and touched the space next to the bridge of my nose a few times and he knew what was going on.
I just, I need to hear him tell me nice things right now. He usually writes me some sort of sweet email for my birthday or Christmas and he didn't this year. I've felt really bad about it. So today, (I probably shouldn't tell you cause it's private but I'm sad so eh) I was like "How much do you love me?"
"I love you a whole lot"
*goes to play game*
...is playing game
when I got back, he had said
"<3 I love you so much Shelby <3 I don't know what I'd do with out you"
I felt happy again after that, because that's like the first really touching, sweet thing he's said since we got back together.
But then that comment thing happened.
And now I feel like shit again. And I want him to tell me I'm beautiful and special and his angel and all that good stuff and I just don't think I have the heart, because I think he'd get mad at me.
-I just need him to be here for me right now-
I'm awful lonely. Only gots a few people who brighten up my day now and I'm waiting for one of them to get online. I fell asleep and got on late and maybe that's why they're not on.
OH THEY GOT ON YAYYYY
I'm so pathetic. I shouldn't have to be told that I'm great to feel good. But I really don't know what's wrong with me right now. I feel so bad. I hate this feeling. HAAAAAATE. Some people like to pretend they're depressed to get pity and I hate them. I hate that they'd pretend to know what this feels like.
I'm more mad, then sad. But I FEEL sad. I don't know how to explain that. Everything makes me cry. I don't want to cry.
I want to be beautiful