My boyfriend is a lesbian, Genderqueerity, Bronchitis, and Turn-ons

Dracofangxxx's picture

To start this off, I want to say:

This journal will probably offend alot of people because I'm just gonna be really honest and I want to say now:
If your views aren't the same as mine, you can argue, but be polite.

I do want you to tell me your views, but don't say I'm wrong. Everone can approach things the way they believe.

My boyfriend is Bisexual.

I think.

(Ha-ha. I said lesbian so you'd freak out but you know, it was just really catchy.)

Or at least, I definitely think he's hiding something in the closet.
It's not bad at all, I'm just seeing it more and more. He's very effeminate, he does my hair for me when I'm sick and he is very flirty with boys and that's totally fine and hilarious. He likes to make jokes, or very obvious references to being interested in men.

And I am not upset at all, I find it hilarious, but JEEZ he needs to tell me already XD

There are some things that I really appreciate about him. He can honest-to-god be a douchebag sometimes but, lately, he really impresses me with how caring he can be and how if I get upset (Even if he can't man up and say sorry) he will treat me really good afterwards and whatever I got mad about won't get in the way anymore.

I really thought I was gonna break up with him.

But the more I think about it, he's very different from other boys. Yes, he doesn't really kiss me in public and yes, he doesn't act like the other boys, but I realized, that even if I think he should act typical... He's doing things most guys don't.

I LIKE that he kisses me on the cheek and tousles my hair, and I like that he hugs me alot- Not like intimate, but, very sweetly and gently. He's very gentle. It really makes me feel like he cares about me, not about my body- Even if he does like that too. I like that he walks me to class and makes sure I'm not late, and that he tries to scare me.

He's hard to handle, and we don't have everything in common, but he's really good to me.

I should tell him that more often.

Another thing about him is he really, really, doesn't pay attention to other girls. He's the most unflirtatious guy (At least with women who aren't me) that I know. He doesn't look at them in the way that some guys who have girlfriends do, like they're options. It's weird. I look at some guys and girls that way, like, "Oh they're hot" and I feel bad about it, but it's normal.
Maybe he doesn't do it around me because he feels bad, but Jesus, it's like he tunes them out. He can be so cold when other girls talk to him unless they're my close friends.

and lately he's been really sweet. Like he'll tell me good luck before tryouts for youth symphony, or he hopes I feel better, or that my hair is pretty, and it's just very nice. He's usually so unemotional when he texts me.

I am thoroughly pleased with him and I hope things stay good, because things are looking up so well. Missing his dive meet today though and I'm really sad. Damn straight, he's hot in a speedo!

Next topic.


I'm really open to what people think of themselves, but the one subject that bothers me is gender.

Not sex, not what's between your legs and armpits, but gender.

I don't think we should apply a sex to what our mind is. We are female, male, or both. But our minds, they are just us. I think people want to label themselves, because they feel like they need to know exactly what to be.

I don't think that's correct. My mind isn't a gender, it's me, and my body is a woman but that doesn't make my heart a woman. My body is a vessel and if I was a man, I'd still have the same me. Maybe that's because I don't care what body I'm in, but I think, that applying a gender to ourselves just opens us up for more stereotypes. Saying that you're a gender other than male or female bothers me, not because I think it's that you should apply to one or the other, but because EVERYONE is their own gender, sort of.
If you say your gender is different than your body, but you're transgender, THAT IS OKAY WITH ME. I understand if your sex isn't what you feel you need to be.

What we want gender to be is this:

What it really is:

Male/Female applies to what is between our legs and how we procreate.

I don't think we should turn it into something that embodies our personalities and our minds. What we have up there is our own and should be special in it's own right, but not labeled.

Does this make sense?

Anyways, hope to not offend. I'm just thinking out loud. No, I won't be upset if you ARE genderqueer but I guess I don't understand enough. If you think you have no gender and you are comfortable with your body, I'm guessing your gender should be whatever your body is >_>
Because I don't immediately think "Oh my gender is a female"
No, I'm just comfortable with being a woman and my thoughts are my own.


Next subject please.


I didn't go to school today and instead went to the doctor like a big girl. She asked me tons of questions and now I'm taking antibiotics, a cough syrup with Codeine to help me sleep, and guess what
I have a motherfucking inhaler for quick-release of my airways to help me breathe when I have sudden Bronchiospasms.

Yes indeed I know what that means.

It's pretty cool, I've never had to use one before and my mom smoked while she was pregnant with me so I've always had sort of bad lungs and MY GOD it feels great after I use this thing. It's like a waterfall of air in my body XD

I get to bring it to school so that I don't have cough attacks in class anymore where I'm crying and shit.

Happened at Messiah, and it happened in Trig, and it happened at Youth Symphony last night :'c
It's really embarrassing but I love it because it makes me feel healthy :D

Anybody else really love going to the doctor? It makes me feel so mature.


Okay, you know the weird fetishes that people have?

I have a few >_> that I won't tell you

Things like Pedophilia, Beastiality, Rape, SnM, etc.

Do you think it's okay to make porn of it (The type depends on the subject, Simulation, Photographic, Drawings, Video etc.) as long as nobody is hurt and all are willing?
Obviously for Pedophillia it's not always going to be willing but if it WAS and was done legally within a good practice, is that okay?

I mean, rape can't really be done legally but if it was faked or something, or just stories or pictures.

I think that whatever you're kinky and into, you're totally allowed to get off to it, as long as you don't harm anyone. Like, okay, you totally think underage people are hot, whatever that's fine just keep it out of everyone else's face, sort of thing, and don't hurt people.

Or incest.
If you wanna bang your mom, that's greaaaaaaaat, film it for other people and shit and don't let us know.

I don't think we should be reprimanded for what our bodies tell us to be turned on by. If it doesn't harm anyone what's the big deal? I mean, yeah, it's a choice to watch it, but I think that it's sort of like enjoying broccoli or something- You just have a taste for it. Oh well.

I don't know. Maybe that's just me who thinks we shouldn't hold such a high stigma towards sexual things. To me it's not really something dirty, it makes people feel good just like riding rollercoasters or massages but I think Religion kinda made it seem taboo.

I'm all sick and shit so maybe this is really weird but I've just been thinking alot.



Punkish Insanity's picture

Happy days~!

It sounds like your life is going great =D I'm really glad that you're getting along with your boyfriend, and it sincerely sounds like he cares a shitload about you, pardon my french. He might not be the best at acting smiley-smiley and buddy-buddy, but it does seem like he's trying. Best of luck =)

Dracofangxxx's picture

Ahh, thank you!

He really does try, and that is all I can ask for <3

Don't worry, French is preferred with me XD I'm fucking obscene and that's totally good with me.

You are beautiful, in every single way <3

swimmerguy's picture

I thought

He like told you he was bisexual... Well yeah, he flirts with me all the time. I love it :)

No one escapes from life alive

Dracofangxxx's picture

Glad you love it XD

It really doesn't bother me, at all XD Unless he uh, you know, takes it a little too far. Like all the way far XD

But for you, then it's an exception ;)
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

swimmerguy's picture


One time he asked me for a cracker, and then I was like, "okay" so I put one in my mouth sticking out and told him he couldn't use his hands.
He said "I'm sorry, I would if we were like inside or somewhere private..."
Sad day ;)

No one escapes from life alive

MacAvity's picture

Dare I ask the meaning of

Dare I ask the meaning of 'Asshattery and Michief'?

Dracofangxxx's picture

It's whatever you want it to be

You are beautiful, in every single way <3

centerfielder08's picture

i completely disagree. we

i completely disagree. we are expected to act as a male or as a female. We are demanded and expected to live as one or the other.
Everything we do, from being born to death, is decided by our sex.

we are treated differently in everything from school, to work, to prison. all is decided by sex.

we do not have a choice about this, we just get one or the other. its like a shackle we cannot shake. yes, we are each unique, but we are forced into these awful boxes of male and female. and expected to live life as one or the other. not both.

to say that gender is just our genatalia, this is not true at all. EVERYTHIG, i repeate, EVERYTHiNG is decided by our gender. no words have to come out of our mouth and still we are judged by this way.

how is this fair?

Dracofangxxx's picture

I never said gender is our genetalia

Actually, the opposite. Gender should never be what's between our legs. What we do and how we act is unique to each individual, and to give that a sex-determination just breeds stereotypes. Which is wrong.

But to say your gender is different from male or female is technically correct- We all act a little of each which is why it's stupid to classify it unless you're uncomfortable with your body.

I think everyone wants to fit into these equal molds to feel comfortable with themselves- But nobody really cares what your gender is unless you want to be Transgender- in the sense that you alter your body to be a different sex or crossdress... So why even label it? Who really cares except themselves?

Thank you for your opinion, though. Lovely thoughts :)
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

funnyflyby's picture


Well, I don't think I really seem male or female, so that's where gajindiak came from. It's hard to say exactly what I think, but it seems to be somewhere between yours and Centerfielder's opinions. To me, gender is a way to explain part of who you are mentally, and words are made to describe those qualities. Usually the mentality 'male'goes with the chromosomes XY, and usually the mentality 'female' goes along with XX. There are exceptions always, and if someone's trans it just means the chromosomes aren't the ones that usually go with that gender. The gender still applies. And I've got XX chromosomes and a uniquely-gendered brain. So... yes.
Thanks for reading my thoughts.

holahaveamuffin18's picture

your posts are awesome. just

your posts are awesome.
just sayin'.

Dracofangxxx's picture


That's the hugest compliment I've ever gotten.

I was thinking most of my posts are rude, single-minded, and stupid :I
That's why I write about like four stupid different things for the people who don't want to read every little stupid thing from me.

But if you think they are awesome~ Thank you~ <3
You are beautiful, in every single way <3