Two big things changed this year that I didn't really expect to change. I now actually want to get married and I also I want to have my own biological kids. You ever have things just unexpectedly change drastically one day?
I never really cared for marriage. For one, I freaking HATE being the center of attention. And two, I've always been pretty pessimistic about it, like the, "Oh, it just turns good relationships to shit." mentality. Haha. Maybe because my parents use to fight a lot and I saw, like everybody, a lot of marriages fall apart growing up. My parents are still together but I saw friends' parents and my oldest sister's marriages end.
Now it's like, I can see it, I can picture it. I think a lot of it (all of it?) has to do with realizing who I am and who I want. Becoming more comfortable with how family will react. Maybe my sister's wedding showed me how important it is, that it isn't really all about being "Husband & Wife" "Wife & Wife" "Husband & Husband", ect. But about the celebration with family. I don't know if I'm making sense here.
Onto kids. I've always wanted to have kids, but always thought I'd just adopt or my girlfriend/wife would possible have kids and I'd adopt them. I've always felt this way since I was a young (minus the gf part). One, I treat my body like shit with what I eat and it's going to come to bite me in the ass, and so, yeah, I've always been afraid that I wouldn't be healthy enough to have kids. Like the damage would be done. TWO, THE PAIN. OH, DEAR GOD THE PAIN! Can you imagine pushing a baby out of your vagina? Cause holy shit that sounds painful.
But at the same, I've always wanted children with my genes so I could watch them grow up and see if they look like me, act like me, have my traits, my general dislike for school but my enjoyment in learning things on my own? It would be so neat, you know? And now, I feel like I'd be missing out on other things like, feeling the baby kick and seeing my tummy grow and everything.
I'm becoming such a (stereotypical) girl. Haha.
It's so weird to have those things change so drastically.