Recognising Fellings

Meldiseus's picture

Hello every one.
Mel here and well... I guess I should tell you something about my situation. Ok here it is I think I’m transsexual. I know this isn't terrifying for some of you but it kinda is for me.
I Guess I always knew about it subconsciously, even tried researching about it a few times, but recently I decided to take a second look and it's kinda got me panicking.
The more I look at it the more it makes sense small movements of my limbs that I couldn't understand, dreams, actions, fears.
Look to sum it all up I'm kinda scared and I'd really like some help.

Meldiseus's picture

Feelings #2

Hey me again. I just thought that I should give a little bit more information about myself.
Ok so here it is. I'm a 16 year old male from the U.S.
My earliest memories that could have been a clue was when my grandma died and I got a hold of some old wigs, me and my sister had some fun pretending to be female spies.
I've had some fantasies about being a woman, the one most memorable being where I'm a professional, naked, female, mud wrestler and it's not just a sexual fantasy. In the fantasy I actually have a life, friends, ect..
Being a transsexual connects a lot of dots in my life, lots of little things that when apart can be explained but when put together... Some of these dots being something the flick of the wrist and tone of my voice, the way I run sometimes, the list can go on and on. Hey look I'm kinda babbling here (one of my fears) so I think I'll just leave it on that note.

Please any help will be appreciated.(^_^)

P.S. since I've officially recognized my feelings I seem to be more care free like I'm al peace with myself (like new discoveries have brought peace and prosperity to lands once barren and bloody.

P.S.S. Now there's this pit in the bottom of my stomach and when I drink or eat it only seems to wrap around the pit.

P.S.S.S. HEY!!!! I'm not flinching away from what I labled as girly Moments anymore. THIS IS GREAT!!!!

funnyflyby's picture


You seem kind of awesome. Sorry, but... you do. Go, you! And- I'm not helpful, I'm very sorry 'bout that. What, exactly, is the part you really need help with?
Also, something really obnoxious and nitpicky that I'm sorry that I'm kinda being OCD-forced to say: It goes P.S., P.P.S., P.P.P.S., etc. 'Cause it stands for Post Scriptum, which is basically After the Writing, so it would be after the after the writing, instead of after the writing writing...
Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm a total correction-pain. I hate that about me. And now I've made a bad first impression. Aww...
But seriously, you seem really awesome.

Meldiseus's picture

Hellow Back

Well I'd like to say thanks for saying I'm awesome(^_^).
Ok about asking for help, it wasen't ment to be specific. see what I really want is some one I can talk to about this new stuff. someone who understands where I'm coming from and help me understand these feelings. I have a friend at school and I'm thinkin of telling her so that I have someone I know I can talk to there but I don't think it would be the same.
Oh and sorry about going crazy with the P.S.s I just had more to tell and I didn't want to take up to much space.
Thanks again for saying I'm awesome (I don't really get that a lot around here(^_^)).

Delightfuly_Emo's picture

I don't know how much of a

I don't know how much of a help I am going to be...but here goes.
There was a point and time where I thought I was trans. I did all the reasearch, and I contemplated my actions as well. Everything seemed to fit. To make scense. (Like what you were saying with how you are at peace with yourself...I felt that as well.) After sitting on my thoughts / feelings for a month or so, that my brain was just going crazy. I'm just a bit more of a masculan female and there is nothing wrong with that.
I'm not saying that my thought process is going to eventually become yours as well, or that you have to choose the same path as me. I just though I would let you know that someone else out there has had some of the same thoughts as you. (even if I did backtrack out of them, and I am female to begin with. ;D)
And also...I would like to say...I agree with funnyflyby that you do seem very cool, and you have a lot of courage for even being able to ADMIT to yourself that you mgiht be trans.
Take some time. Think things over. Eveerything looks brighter in the morning.
(Hope I helped some!) <3

centerfielder08's picture

Welcome. i know it can be

Welcome. i know it can be scary. it still is for me, too.
I am seen as female, was born as female. but I identify as male. will comment more later. private message me if you'd like :)

Meldiseus's picture


I'd like to thank you all for being there for me it really means a lot that I'm not alone.
I've always kinda been by myself and felt that I didn't need any one else that any one trying to be nice to me was just trying to get something from me and were justs wastes of time so I really apreciate what you'r all doing for me.

MacAvity's picture

Hello and welcome! It looks

Hello and welcome! It looks like everybody else already said everything that comes immediately to my mind, but I just felt like I needed to add myself to the list of people who think you're brave and awesome.

Keep journalling. Really. We get lots of people here who just write one entry or one forum topic, and then disappear. These people are missing out, severely. This community is great.

So why aren't you Meldisea?

Meldiseus's picture


Well thanks you like I said it's great that you can all be there for me.
I guess the main reason I'm not meldisea is just out of habit, ya see I came up with the name in school and used to write it under neath my birth name, I just sort of grew attached to it, and I don't think it would feel right to change it. Sort of like my new snuggie sometimes I don't know what I'd do if I lost it.

Does Meldiseus seem to masculine? cause I came up with it before I knew about transgenderism.

All for one, and one for all. Three Musketeers
Never give up, never surrender. Tim Alen in Galaxy Quest
Life is full of beginnings and endings, and right now I'm kinda in the middle. this is from me(^_^)

Meldiseus's picture

Ok I know that this is an

Ok I know that this is an old post but I just thought that therre was this little something that I could add to it.
I't seems like ever since I found out that I could be a trans I've been more focused on school work and other things that I couldn't focus on before.
On the down side thou I also seem to be getting tired a lot.
well till next time.

Hopelessly optimistic, yes, that just might be me