Stupid mother. Oh, and Merry Christmas!

funnyflyby's picture

I don't feel like giving you any sort of ease-in intro, so I'll just dive into this journal.
I've been feeling much more male than usual today... about 85%, which is much farther than my gaajindiak-scale usually tips in either direction. So... I'm extra-annoyed at all the anti-gaj's out there. Meaning my mother, mostly. A sample conversation:
'She's right here!'
'GAJ's right here.'
'IT's right here!'
Basically whenever I corrected gaj, 'she' either stayed there or was replaced with 'it'. >:( I'm not happy.
I'm so eternally grateful for Jayjay right now... gaj's the only one who will consistantly say 'gaj'. And I appreciate that ever so much...
What I want for Christmas is for my family to call me 'gaj' and 'gajindiak'. I don't need this DS software, or these iTunes gift cards, all I want is a pronoun. Please?
My stupid mother: 'You'll never train me to use this word for you. I don't like it. I'm uncomfortable with it.'
Also to my annoyance, Jayjay seems to have caught the cell phone obsession-bug. Sigh. But I guess I can't deny gaj the happiness it seems to bring gaj...
As opposed to all these electronics, my top 3 favorite presents are:
A beta fish, from 'Santa' aka Mom. (named Eli, it seemed... perfect. Aren't you honored, Centerfielder?)
The Ultimate Mythology Encyclopedia, from my uncle, who rocks at present-picking.
A Thneed. (Actually, it's a super-fuzzy robe thing, but as I pulled it out of the box my brother yellled, 'It's a THNEED!' So... it shall now be forever referred to as a Thneed.)
I'm so darn maaad... I never want to hear 'she' or 'her' again. Stupid world. )':< Stupid gajindiak. RRRrrr... Can't gajindiaks exist in our own right? Noooo... of course not...


Dracofangxxx's picture

She's not stupid.

She's your mother, and what she says goes. You can't force her to call anybody gaj. Don't disrespect your mother like that, she seems like a godDANGGGG, SPAM FILTER good mother compared to some I've seen. Be thankful for her, it's Christmas, for chrissakes.

It's like religion. Believe what you want, but don't shove your beliefs down everyone's throats, because that doesn't attract anybody to your idea.
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

funnyflyby's picture


'Sjust, even if not 'gaj', I'm not happy about this 'it' thing. I'm a person. I have a gender. Yes, it's a weird gender, but it should be respected and not just randomly dismissed as nothing whatsoever...
And the thing is, my mother is the one I consider my non-evil parent. So it just... irks me that gaj can't accept 'gaj'ness, even on Christmas.

Dracofangxxx's picture

I thought gaj applied to

I thought gaj applied to genderless things.
Not a weird gender.

You're mixing your stories to cover your ass. Do you want your own gender to be expressed? Or do you want no gender to be expressed at all?
There's also a thing called a reply button. We like to use it here.
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

funnyflyby's picture

Looking back, I guess I was kinda unclear...

I, myself, am using gaj to refer to everybody for the no-gender-at-all purpose.
I'm not trying to get everybody to refer to everybody as gaj, just me. I'm mostly asking that nobody calls me either male or female.
I don't care if other people use he and she to refer to each other, I just don't want those being used for me. I'm not going to go around asking everybody to start calling each other 'gaj', because that won't ever happen.
I'm not wanting my gender expressed in pronouns, I'm just not wanting a gender I'm not to be expressed in pronouns about me.
Did that make any sense, or am I just delirious?
Also, I'm sorry if I offended you, Shelby, it wasn't intentional. Truce?

Dracofangxxx's picture

No truce.

I'm asking you don't call people gaj who aren't comfortable with it, because YOU are uncomfortable being called a SHE when you ARE A SHE. They are NOT A GAJINDIAK. I can't stand this. It's NOT healthy, your obsession with this gaj thing.

You're twisting my subject, which is not forcing anybody else to call you it (Which you WERE DOING) into "I'm not trying to get everyone to do it, I just don't want those pronouns" but you know? One person turns to two, two to four, four to everyone. It happens. Obviously Super Duck agrees with me. If you want to express people in a genderless pronoun use THEY or IT or get over it. I'm bothered by every journal of yours to be whining about this silly little thing. Nobody cares what your gender is unless you JUST HAVE to make it specific.

Guess what? YOU'RE YOUNG. Your gender will feel weird to you, but whatever. Just because you feel male doesn't make you male, you don't just feel it. You know it, you ARE it... You can't go "Oh I'm feeling AWFULLY MALE TODAY". It doesn't WORK that way. I feel male all the time, I'm just a masculine girl. Nobody cares! I'm sexually female and that's all that matters, to ANYBODY. Nobody goes "Oh your gender is half male whateverthehellitis, I don't like you anymore"

You are beautiful, in every single way <3

funnyflyby's picture

Well, then.

I'm sorry if I'm annoying you. You don't have to read my journals, you know.
I really, really do not need to deal with this right now. As soon as I post this I'm just going to turn off the dsi, which I should've done a while ago as it's nearly 3 AM.
I just wanted to vent... not all this. Not this... at all. I'm not trying to whine about anything, just say what I'm thinking. I'm sure there are Oasians other than you two who dislike all this gajindiak stuff, which was cute little-brotherness at first and is just out of control now. I don't know... so I'm just going to go fall asleep now and hope I can feel better about this in the morning. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm... I don't know. Good night.

Super Duck's picture


I've kind of wanted to say this for a while, really, but I wasn't really sure how to.

You identify as a gajindiak. You do not want to be called she and her because you feel it invalidates your identity, right? But you call everyone else gaj, regardless of their gender. I don't get that. Isn't that kind of what your mom is doing? Forcing opinions on other people?

I guess I don't really get it... sorry

funnyflyby's picture

Bah, I'm offending everyone!

Sorry, people! I really am!
And 'gaj' is just a gender-neeutral pronoun, free of gajindiak-ness... it did come from the word 'gajindiak', but it doesn't really mean gajindiak. There's some sort of 5th-grade etymology to this that I don't get. It's like, gajindiak is a pretty much male/female equal gender, and the 'gaj' part means equal-genders and the 'indiak' part is like, 'a person with' or some such thing. Yeah... my brother's weird... but I'm just adopting it. Gaj doesn't actually mean gajindiak.
Also, I don't know what you mean about the Reply button, I am using it... is the DSi messing with or something? I don't know...
I'm sorry if somebody has already posted something else by the time I post this...

Super Duck's picture

But why do you feel the need

But why do you feel the need to use a gender-neutral pronoun for people like your mother who are obviously one gender or the other? I guess that's what I mainly don't get. You're mad because your mom won't call you gaj, but you call everyone gaj regardless of whether or not they're comfortable with it.

Sorry if I'm not making much sense... It's 2 A.M.

625539's picture

"Gaj doesn't actually mean

"Gaj doesn't actually mean gajindiak."

so when you're using gaj as a pronoun what does it refer to?

"pleasure is absolute, pain is relative."

funnyflyby's picture

I am also a bit confused...

I'm just using 'gaj' to refer to everybody. It's not really directly 'gajindiak'. Oh, I should really just go ask my brother to think up a less confusing gender-neutral pronoun...

whateversexual_llama's picture

okokokok here's how I see

okokokok here's how I see it- funnyflyby has identified not just that gaj feels uncomfortable being identified AS he or she, but also that gaj feels uncomfortable IN a gendered world. It's less of a forced opinion to me and more of "I don't view anyone by their pronouns, let's level the field."

Am I right(ish)? I love the gaj thing- it's neat.

In other news, Dracofang, you said something that made me a little [very] angry. This bit: "You can't go "Oh I'm feeling AWFULLY MALE TODAY". It doesn't WORK that way."

Frankly... it can. Gender is a fluid spectrum. The idea that we have to fix ourselves onto a certain point on that spectrum is ridiculous. I am a female-bodied individual who some days performs as a woman, some days performs as a mad, and mostly identifies as something in between. Some days I feel male, sometimes I feel female. Insisting that we fix ourselves to a label, to a performance, even if it goes against what our society tells us what our performance should be, is in essence adding to the problem we have that our world is bigendered and that's not really okay.

Dracofangxxx's picture

First off.

I don't like being called a gaj. I don't like my friends being called a gaj. She can call herself gaj if she wants but I don't want her to call people who don't like it gaj, because that's the same thing that he and she does to her. If her mom is forced to be called gaj, without consent- then why isn't her mother allowed to call her she?

It's not a two-way street, what's happening here. SEX pronouns (Because that's what they describe, sex, NOT gender) don't rely on what's in your mind. They are what you look like. It's like a color. You say "she" or "he" in reference to someone so they know who you're talking about. They and It are the genderless pronouns that work just fine in almost every instance.

I liked gaj until she started being obsessed with it. It was cute, but now, it's a little overboard.

I'm talking about sexually changing your body. If you know you're man, then you ARE a MAN.
But you don't feel more male or less male, you feel more masculine or less masculine. Everyone's gender suits themself, and is unique to them; it is neither male nor female. It is masculine or feminine. Being feminine as a man DOES NOT make you a woman. Being masculine as a female DOES NOT make you a man.
But if you ARE a man, and you're in a woman's body, and you know it, then you know it! You don't just go "I want to be a man today" and then "Oh no, I want to be a woman today". If you don't seriously consider changing your body or TRYING to appear to be the other sex because your body feels fine to you, you're just whatever that body is. Obviously you're satisfied with your body. Just because you feel your mind or thoughts don't match it, doesn't make it wrong; you can be completely masculine in a woman's body and that is completely FINE.

I see way too many teens nowadays trying to label themselves as transgender just because they think they're too masculine or feminine to be whatever they are, and it disappoints me.
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

whateversexual_llama's picture

i don't know enough about

i don't know enough about the funnyflyby/mom relationship or the specific gaj situation, so we'll let that one roll. Also, your logic makes a lot of sense on that one, and since I feel bad for getting defensive after you posted an apology for the hostility... yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me, thanks for clarifying. ^^

as for the broader gender issue, first: any individual can do/feel whatever he/she/gaj wants- easy on the "you don't just" and the "you can't." If people do, they can. I guess what I feel is stuck in the more/less feminine/masculine idea. What if I am neither? What if I don't fit anywhere along a linear spectrum? What if I don't want to be a man or a woman? I personally feel comfortable in my body- some days. But I never feel comfortable in this society's expected gender roles, in any fixed place on the spectrum of gender. Some days I dress like a sociality-expected Woman. Some days I bind my chest. I an 18 year old female-bodied gender-queer/gender-fluid/gender-ambiguous, whateversexual individual.

Or... is that something that I "can't do"?

Dracofangxxx's picture

Well, how can you feel

Well, how can you feel anything but masculine or feminine? How can you place a sex-based gender on yourself, when everyone is their own little slice of uniqueness? You act how you act, you feel how you feel. Don't label yourself, if you like your body, you're a woman. If you don't feel the need to desperately change it right away, you're still a woman- just one who prefers to have a flat chest and look masculine.

I'm not really mad against you or genderqueers, even though I come off like that. I'm just sick of the people- mostly girls- Who think that they're a man, or their gender isn't correct, just because they're more masculine. Which is stupid. It's a whole different story than that. Considering you're older, I believe you more- But Funnyflyby is like, thirteen, which is barely old enough to figure yourself out, if you get me.

I just don't like labels. Be who you are- Nobody cares what your mind-gender is.

If you don't want to be a man or woman, what do you want to be? A blank slate? I've tried binding my chest, which was exciting, because I thought that it would make me feel right.
It felt the same.
As I said, I'm not quite a genderqueer- But in a male's body, I would feel absolutely the same. I think of my body as a vessel for myself and how I change it to appear doesn't matter. I can make myself look like a boy, but I would still be a woman.

I was born this way, I don't feel wrong, so I am a woman. But being a man would be the same. I don't believe that makes me any less woman, or any more male, because I could do that. Maybe it's just that mindset, for me, of being able to accept myself as I come, that makes this subject hard for me. I'm not trying to attack you. Just trying to remove labels.

Be who you are- But don't feel like it makes you anybody different, makes your MIND different, just because you don't fit the labels correctly. You can be a woman and dress as a man, think like a man, whatever. Whatever you want. But you will always be a human, sliced in this pre-cut male/female role. You have to be one or the other. Now while that is unfortunate for how you feel, you ARE a woman- You were born that way and seem to like it enough to not change. That doesn't mean, in your mind, you have to be a woman, too. You can be whomever you want in your heart.
Maybe I don't make sense. I see sex as a descriptor of how you look.
Not how you function, not how you feel. If some days you feel less good in your body, that is fine. But you're still a woman, you're still a female.

I'm sorry for being hostile to you, too. Life's tough for me right now and I'm just, really frustrated with everyone. I'm tired of people worrying who they are and what they want to be, and I just want people to accept and love themselves, who they are, how they act, how they look.
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

funnyflyby's picture

Thank you, whateversexual_llama!

That's pretty much exactly it... phew, I'm glad not all of Oasis is spitting fire at me now.
And Shelby-
It's okay, you have every right to your opinion, but you did kind of... wound me that night... Regardless, apology accepted.
Also, in other news, I asked my brother for a less confusing gender-neutral pronoun, preferrably with different forms this time, and so now we have 'blee/bler/blis'. Interesting... I'm sure I'll forget and say 'gaj' sometimes but it's better to have one that can't possibly be thought of as a gajindiak pronoun.

whateversexual_llama's picture

don't think of it as

don't think of it as spitting fire- nobody here is trying to hurt you. If we come to a point where it's not acceptable to disagree on/play with/non-solidify gender, I'll be very sad.

centerfielder08's picture

Seriously people cut

Seriously people cut funnyflyby a break. Gaj is not out to offend anyone. Will write more later. Mom is nagging me to get away from "the screen"

Dracofangxxx's picture

I know I'm being a FEMALE DOG TO YOU

It's not because I don't like you, Funnyflyby- I like you just fine, you're nice and you're funny :)

But I don't agree with you. I don't agree with what you say, and it does bother me alot. I was really drunk last night and I am really hungover today. I tried to mask my own anger at other things by drinking but it made it worse.

Your gaj thing is fine- But albeit very confusing and very undefined. Is it for Gajindiaks, other-genders? (Which, you know my stand on that, is we shouldn't have sex-based gender descriptions) or is it just plan non-sex pronouns? I don't get that. You switch the meaning.

I also don't like how you call your mother stupid for not liking your word. She could likewise say "My daughter is being so stupid today, not wanting to use normal pronouns".
There's too much angst in this word, there. If you can't handle people refusing to use it, how are people supposed to handle you, not using normal pronouns?

You're young- and I know when I was younger and doing stuff like this I needed to be female dogged at once to at least get myself to think about it.

You don't have to get rid of it, hun. Just rethink how you're approaching this- you don't like pronouns that describe sex, people are going to not like yours. But don't force them to use it. At least your mother was trying to use "it" to make you feel better.

Sorry for how I acted. It doesn't change my opinion or what I said, but I am sorry.
You are beautiful, in every single way <3