Had my blood taken today. For the Six week HIV test.
They'll give me a call tomorrow or next week to tell me the result.
I didn't want to write about it. I don't really write entries anymore. Neither is it the only thing happening in my life. But fuck I am so worried right now - again. So fucking worried. I keep thinking about the related symptoms I have and working out the probabilities - it's a bloody game of numbers.
I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. I hope they call me tomorrow. Or I'll be up all weekend. I'm a wreck tonight. I'd be OK then I'd be crawled up in bed sobbing then I'd replay the thoughts in my head over and over then I'd just stare blankly for hours. I'm fatigued and can't get anything done. I hadn't self harmed in years but just then I cut my nails until they bled.
I feel so shit. If I test positive I'll probably kill myself.