Blood Test

Uncertain's picture

Had my blood taken today. For the Six week HIV test.

They'll give me a call tomorrow or next week to tell me the result.

I didn't want to write about it. I don't really write entries anymore. Neither is it the only thing happening in my life. But fuck I am so worried right now - again. So fucking worried. I keep thinking about the related symptoms I have and working out the probabilities - it's a bloody game of numbers.

I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. I hope they call me tomorrow. Or I'll be up all weekend. I'm a wreck tonight. I'd be OK then I'd be crawled up in bed sobbing then I'd replay the thoughts in my head over and over then I'd just stare blankly for hours. I'm fatigued and can't get anything done. I hadn't self harmed in years but just then I cut my nails until they bled.

I feel so shit. If I test positive I'll probably kill myself.


elph's picture

It's got to be feel like Hell!

I desperately wish it were in my power to relieve your oppressive anxiety.

There is no doubt in my mind that your inner torments are quite real... and as psychologically painful as you describe.

I'm confident that my hopes for you are shared by all your friends and acquaintances here on Oasis.

Please, dear God... Let the report be negative!

Meldiseus's picture

Mind powerpositive

Mind power
happy thoughts
Is the best advice I can give you.

Hopelessly optimistic, yes, that just might be me

funnyflyby's picture

Bleah.... bzzt.

*runs psycho-hyper across the room*
I buzz with nervousness for you...
Oh, this test had BETTER be negative. Or I will get really mad and angry and start punching cute stuffed animals.
*hugs for Uncertain*
Best I can do...

MacAvity's picture

It will be negative. It

It will be negative. It will.

625539's picture

i hope it isn't

i hope it isn't so

"pleasure is absolute, pain is relative."