Confused and questioning and need advice

Bridget's picture

I'm 17, raised into a Christian family since birth. And lately I've been having just some thoughts about myself like. I feel myself attracted to girls, but I always actually like guys. But there's a nag at my brain screaming at me to get out. a gay friend once told me "you can never be sure until you have sex with someone of each gender." but that disturbs me because I believe in abstinence. My mother is my best friend, she's the least judgmental person I know and has always helped me through thick and thin (which has been A LOT of times) and she says in general that she supports gay/lesbian/bi but what if it were me? Would she feel the same way? I want to ask her for help while I explore myself in this but I'm just nervous and don't know what to do.
Please help.

centerfielder08's picture

You do not have to have sex

You do not have to have sex with either gendered person to figure this out.
I identified for a while as bi, then lesbian . now trans i think.

and I'm abstinent too. i've never had sex and I don't believe in having it prior to marriage, at least for myself.

Parents can be hard to manage, or hard to guess, rather. My parents are totally glbt supportive but they had a hard time (or so it seemed) when i came out as lesbian. chances are your mother will have a hard time at first, but since theyre allready supportive, thats a huge big great sign taht they wont be quick to like throw you out of the house or anyhting. at least, thats my view on the whole thing. its a good sign so far. and chances are while at first it might be hard, she should come around to know that you're still her daughter, the same daughter you always have been.

you came to the right place, here on oasis. welcome. feel free to pm me. (pm=private message)


MacAvity's picture


And welcome to Oasis!

It sounds like you have a really good relationship with your mother, and like she would probably be perfectly okay with whatever you figure out you are. That's how it was with my parents - I came out to them a few months after I came out to myself (although I still haven't completely figured out everything), and it was almost like it never happened, the entire family was so utterly unchanged. From what you described, it sounds like your family would work in a similar way, at least between you and your mother.

Christianity and homo- (or bi- or any other sort for that matter) sexuality do not necessarily clash. There's a guy on here, Lone Wolf, who is gay and also one of the best Christians with whom I have ever communicated. Sometimes traditions associated with Christianity can make families less accepting, but if your mother is as nonjudgmental as you say (and I have no doubt that she is), this will probably not be an issue for that.

And of course you don't have to have sex with anybody to know yourself! I, too, believe in abstinence (although, is it really abstinence if, like me, you're not even tempted?) - heck, at this rate, I'll probably never so much as kiss anyone until I'm well into adulthood.

So, yeah. Just listen to yourself, keep journalling, we're all here for you. It's good to have you here, Bridget.

Bi the Book's picture

WELCOME i agree. you don't


i agree. you don't need to have sex with either gender to figure out if you're gay or straight or bi. from personal experience, i'd would say just give it time. only you can tell yourself if what you are or who you like. like i came out in 8th grade as bi and now i myself am questioning if i am gay or not. don't rush anything and don't do anything you don't feel right about.

as for your mom, if you believe that she lgbt people and that is what she told you, then i think she would except and love you for who you are. i do understand what you mean thought, it's her daughter and it possibly could be a different story, but it is likely that if she accepts others, she will except her daughter as well.

welcome again and if you want anymore help or just a shoulder to lean on you can PM me as well. :-)

Meldiseus's picture

Hellow all

Hia Bridget, nice to meet you(^_^).
Well I'd just like to say I live in a christian home to and if you ever need to talk about stuff, just know that my ears are open so PM me If you want to talk to someone without others overhearing.
Lets all be friends (^_^) except for you Mac ;} just kidding.
Bye all (^-^)

All for one, and one for all. Three Musketeers
Never give up, never surrender. Tim Alen in Galaxy Quest
Life is full of beginnings and endings, and right now I'm kinda in the middle. this is from me(^_^)

funnyflyby's picture


Mel! Do not exclude MacAvity! That's mean! If you exclude anybody, I demand we be excluded together. Ha. So there.
An-y-way, Hello, Bridget!
Of course you don't need to have sex with both genders... after all, how many straight people have sex with someone of the same gender, just to make sure? Um, pretty much none. I mean, of the six billion people in this world, and the 90% or so straight, in the history of this world I'm sure someone has, but... okay, off-topic.
An-y-way again, it seems to be a good sign that your mother is supportive of gay/bi-ness. Mine is... but isn't nearly as open to genderqueerity... but is still pretty good. I often wonder, 'But what if it's me?' also.
I'd say to avoid labels for now... just kinda go with the flow and see how you turn out after a while :)
Feel free to Oasisize a bit if you feel it's necessary, and you can pm me if you wish.

MacAvity's picture


Why would you exclude me???

Meldiseus's picture


"Ahhh" my head
"So many voices asking why
and from the distance a small noice answers
"I don't know".

All for one, and one for all. Three Musketeers
Never give up, never surrender. Tim Alen in Galaxy Quest
Life is full of beginnings and endings, and right now I'm kinda in the middle. this is from me(^_^)

MacAvity's picture

Oh. Okay. That's a pretty

Oh. Okay. That's a pretty little poem-type thing, too.

funnyflyby's picture

That is nice!

Well, that little deviation from the topic was random...

Meldiseus's picture


Thanks I made up the poem-type-thing all by myself (^_^)
Sorry for the randomness Bridget
(-_-) <- bowing my head in shame.

All for one, and one for all. Three Musketeers
Never give up, never surrender. Tim Alen in Galaxy Quest
Life is full of beginnings and endings, and right now I'm kinda in the middle. this is from me(^_^)

Bridget's picture

hey thanks you guys : )

hey thanks you guys : )

confusedgirl11's picture

have had oral with each gender and its not true

k so i have done what your friend suggested cuz it just confuses you more. try dating a girl and a guy then i think you might know better

Bobbie's picture

I'm still questioning

My parents accept me for anything, but I'm not sure either way either.

Smile :)
Forget peoples rude remarks
Those people are just jealous of your awesomeness!!!!