This Tuesday I have a meeting with a woman at school to make my case of why I should be getting special accommodations due to my disability. So I have that meeting, which should go okay, though I'm sort of nervous because I don't know what to expect.
Wednesday I have a meeting with someone else because for credit for my psychology course, I need to be in a research study, and so I did this online survey for 1 credit and turns out, I qualify for their in-person interview which is an additional 2 credits (I need 4 credits total). So I'm going to be doing that. One of the online survey questions was what gender I identify as , so I think I answered that I didn't want to answer. Anyway, I'm sort of nervous for it because its all about stress and so they'll be asking me about my past and such. Anyway, one of the things I'm most worried for is that they'll ask if I identify as gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/straight. I found out recently that apparently I don't know how to answer questions because I start getting all rambly. Who knew that was a medical issue. Well, whatever.
I'm super depressed today and so I wasn't going to journal but then I felt really selfish for just not responding and not writing on here, so I decided I'd journal. I'm trying out this "new and Improved Eli" because I know I used to share all my depression with everyone on here and I dont want to be *that* person. So....yeah.
I went shopping with my parents today and I picked up this super snazzy wallet in the men's department and said how nice it was. And my mom made me put it back saying, "(Insert GIRL name here), that's a *men's* wallet." Grr. Just....grr.
I've been looking in the mirror and seeing Eli stare back at me but its like it makes me happy and scared all at once.
I've sort of been a prisoner to my ocd lately and my latest thing is that I've been thinking about weight (just one of many things on my mind at the moment). I'm not overweight but my ocd has been telling me that I'm bad for changing weights. So, I've lost a few pounds I think. And I don't want to say I'm happy and then get poked and prodded. But at the same time, I am sorta happy.
I've noticed my hips for the first time in the mirrors and they don't look good. I wish I could take them off.
Anyway, I'm going to stop this journal here because I have this huge urge to confess about what's actually going on but I'm trying my best to stay in better spirits.