holy crap!!!

hellonwheels's picture

So not only did I hanf out w/ him the other night, but through txt messages while at work, I totally agreed to go on a date w/ him! umm, what the hell???

what has happened to me? I have never felt this way about anyone, ANYONE! and least of all, rikki. I mean, we went to high school together, he came out to school sophomore year, but still!

The last person I would have suspected finding myself this attracted to would have been him!

the onlyt problem is- he was an addict, and is still going through debt and NA/AA. he is also a felon due to the drug use. So while my body is saying, yes yes yes! my heart and smarts are saying, no, no, no! run!

so idk, I am kinda caught in this dilemma of do i start it or dont i.

My friend m said not to, and i kinda agreed w/ her, til m sent me a text the other night saying i know something :)

that was it. I was trying sooo hard to get ahold of her to find out what, but...she was at work. finally, pissed off, m calls me and tells me he told her he liked me! score!

I textd him later that evening, and said the same thing back! ugh!

but I agreed to go on a first date, a gay date! wtf? how the hell did that happen? lol

anyway, sooo excited/ nervous about thsi weekend, and our date.

and don't worry, he did use some badddd drugs, but I am gonna make sure he gets tested before we doing anything, if it ever gets to that level.

and according to the astrological signs, we are a perfect match. haha.

god i sound like a swooning teenage girl. haha.


Uncertain's picture

I'd say don't rule him out

I'd say don't rule him out completely. If you both like each other something's there so no point running away from that. And I say this because it seems he's putting his mind to changing some bad habits and making good progress. Just take things slow and remember to give each other space! And if he's done some pretty bad drugs it might be a good idea to have him tested if things get more serious.

I'm genuinely happy for you man!

hellonwheels's picture

thanks man...

we were both planning on getting tested togethter anyway, if it got to that point, but especially because he did I/v drugs for awhile. I am excited, concerned and nervous all at once, but thanks for your advice. i feel like right now its lust more than love, but you know. and it sucks, because tho i could probably be a bottom( vers), we are both tops. Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

elph's picture

Can't really tell...

but if your alter ego says,

"So while my body is saying, yes yes yes! my heart and smarts are saying, no, no, no! run!"...

that voice should not be ignored out of hand! It could be that half of you that is truly looking out for your welfare.

Does the relationship you envisage stand a ghost of a chance for survival? Most relations, indeed, do grow sour over time... but it would be nice to enter into them with the mental image that this will be forever.

But, then again, maybe not :(

jeff's picture


Technically, every sexual encounter you have, you should pretty much keep yourself protected as if they are positive, every time. So, knowing he did drugs, etc., really shouldn't change your behavior in any way.

And have you had enough sex to define yourself as a top? Want to make sure this isn't your butch, internalized homophobia helping to label things.

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain