It seems like every Oasian's had a horrendous New Year...

funnyflyby's picture

If there's anybody there who HASN'T, please tell me about it here.
I'm so mad at everything... so much awfulness...
First of all, I just plain feel sick. I ate something bad, and it's been... gross.
I was in the 99 Restuarant, where my grandparents had taken my brother and I for dinner, and due to this gross sick feeling I did NOT want to eat 99 food. I did, anyway, because I'm like 6 pounds underweight and I absolutely HAVE to eat a full each meal, according to my mother. And so I felt awful. Not to mention that my grandparents said 'she' and 'her' about me WAY too many times for it not to be intentional. This is the grandmother who said, 'I get this gajindiak thing, don't worry, I'm fine with it. I'll try not to say 'she'.' Obviously that lasted all of six days.
At that point, I felt truly awful and had to run to the bathroom. While mentally cursing genderpronouns, I was directed by a waiter to the ladies' room, just as I walked by. I almost cried, right there. Directed, gender observed, just by sight, immediatly. The stupid thing is, I'd feel the same way in a male body. Stupid gajidiakness. Stupid me. So I ran into a stall in the cursed pink-wallpapered bathroom. And I slammed myself into the wall. I punched myself (which didn't work). I sat on the toilet lid and started using my fingernails to make a deep reddish scratch on my hand. And it hurt. And I kept doing it until I realized I'd spent half an hour in the bathroom. WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!?!I never purposely harmed myself before. If I'd had a blade, I would have cut myself. Oh...
The scratches still hurt, and now that's not pleasing to me. Good. OhpleaseworldneverEVERletmedothatagain. I can't start having a selfharm problem to handle.
So I've been miserable. And to top it off, that's not the WORST thing. My... let's see, mother's college roommate's exhusband died.My M'S CR is like a sister to my mom. MCR's kids are like my cousins. A day after their father moved out the guy dies.Maybe suicide.Oh…no…

Comments

Dracofangxxx's picture

Half of my New Years was good

The half where I got drunk off my ass, of course.

Look at me being such a big, huge, role model!
-
You are beautiful, in every single way <3

kamkam's picture

yep

I agree with dragofang you are beautiful in every way and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.

ReinbowGrl's picture

I had an amazing new

I had an amazing new years.

- - - - - - - -
I don't need company in the company of you. I don't need love, your love wi,ll do. And I've got you and you've got me and this is all you need. I don't need air, I don't need to breathe. I don't need rest, I don't have time to sleep.

funnyflyby's picture

Well, I'm glad somebody did...

Wow.woW

The Bookworm's picture

I had an indifferent new

I had an indifferent new years.
About the scratching thing...I've been having a bit of an issue lately in that in order to calm down from panic attacks/over flows of emotion I've been digging my nails into my wrist, sending an adrenaline rush to my brain as well as clearing my mind VERY efficiently. I always hate myself afterwards yet always end up doing it again, I think because it allows me to have complete control over my brain and my body at times when I feel I have no control.
unfortunately, I think my wrist is going to scar.
So, anyway, I'm here if you want to talk, *hugs*

TotalGeek42's picture

I had an alright new years.

I had an alright new years. xD
I met a cisguy with feet the same size as mine, so yaknow, that's always a good self esteem booster. Plus he was cute. So that's good too.

"Assets, assets..."

"Well I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves..."

"pretty pleaseeee w/ icecream and rainbows and and... NPH wearing nothing but Doctor Who-themed underwear on top :P ??" -holahaveamuffin -- Way to my heart

funnyflyby's picture

Thanks, people.

Bookworm-I'd pm you but... it seems kind of awkward... I don't know where to start... I'm an awful conversation instigator... I've been reading your journals and I'm available to pm, too. Thanks.
The palm of my hand is all bruised today...
TotalGeek, I love your signature :D
Wow.woW

MacAvity's picture

Add me to the list of those

Add me to the list of those who had an utterly horrible New Year. Got home from a perfectly nice vacation and there was my bird, dead. And I've made all sorts of resolutions I won't be able to keep. And I need to shut up about my bird and get down to writing his obituary and finding photos of him and finishing his coffin.

funnyflyby's picture

Feel free to vent about your bird.

I understand, to the degree it's possible for an outsider to understand...
(I'm not sure that sentence made sense. Forgive me...)
I gave up on resolutions last year. They always fall apart by late February.
Wow.woW