I've been having a lot of body dysphoria lately, mostly concerning my chest and my neck.
Today I'm binding by layering bras (nope, still haven't found the courage and strength to be able to measure myself) and wearing a black, short-sleeve wrestling t-shirt. It has a picture of two guys on it, says the name of my (ex)college and has WRESTLING written on it in big letters. I'm also wearing regular boot-cut dark jeans. I am SO Eli today and I love that. I'm also wearing a tank top and Under Armour shorts and the combo of those two (the tank top is rather long) helps me look like I'm lacking in hips.
I miss my Adam's apple that I don't have and never have had. Is that even possible? I spent yesterday frustrated, anxious, and paranoid because I had my period, what, like 2 weeks ago, and yesterday I felt really nauseous and was having really bad cramps. Nothing like that to keep a guy in check, no?
I'm sort of fearing that my parents are going to comment on my outfit choice today to say that don't I want to look "better" for therapy? Throw on some makeup or wear some pink frilly (s)hit? No. Would they tell their son that? Nope.
I'm working on a letter to my (ex)college about why I have decided to leave. Sad. Frustratiion.
Anyway, I digress, once again. My dysphoria has been super bad and has stopped me from measuring for my binder. I MUST do this. Blarg. Can't I just...well...guess? Yeah, I dunno.