Oh, How I Loathe You, Dysphoria

centerfielder08's picture

I've been having a lot of body dysphoria lately, mostly concerning my chest and my neck.

Today I'm binding by layering bras (nope, still haven't found the courage and strength to be able to measure myself) and wearing a black, short-sleeve wrestling t-shirt. It has a picture of two guys on it, says the name of my (ex)college and has WRESTLING written on it in big letters. I'm also wearing regular boot-cut dark jeans. I am SO Eli today and I love that. I'm also wearing a tank top and Under Armour shorts and the combo of those two (the tank top is rather long) helps me look like I'm lacking in hips.

I miss my Adam's apple that I don't have and never have had. Is that even possible? I spent yesterday frustrated, anxious, and paranoid because I had my period, what, like 2 weeks ago, and yesterday I felt really nauseous and was having really bad cramps. Nothing like that to keep a guy in check, no?

I'm sort of fearing that my parents are going to comment on my outfit choice today to say that don't I want to look "better" for therapy? Throw on some makeup or wear some pink frilly (s)hit? No. Would they tell their son that? Nope.

I'm working on a letter to my (ex)college about why I have decided to leave. Sad. Frustratiion.

Anyway, I digress, once again. My dysphoria has been super bad and has stopped me from measuring for my binder. I MUST do this. Blarg. Can't I just...well...guess? Yeah, I dunno.

Comments

arata13's picture

"I've been having a lot of

"I've been having a lot of body dysphoria lately, mostly concerning my chest and my neck." Oh look. me too....

I really don't see why parents comment on outfits. We all know they dressed 'odd' they were teens.... and considering it's for therapy I'd be more comfortable dressed in something I deemed comfortable not clothes of my birth gender that I deem UNcomfortable.

I find it kind of sad that you decided to leave college. I'm not exactly sure what happened but I hope it all turns out well. (Even though I'm still in high school and haven't seriously thought about college yet.... XD) So, any thoughts about how your going to write the letter?

(I am SO jumping around this entry.... XD)
"I am SO Eli today and I love that." That is AWESOME. Did you have fun/feel better? Oh wait, stupid question... Well you have clothes? That's good..... *has no clothes....* :-(

I think I'm done now? Yeah, I think I'm done.... *laughs*
(wow Oasis thinks this is spam.... XD)

centerfielder08's picture

No problem for jumping

No problem for jumping around, I dont mind XD.

I'm going to punch anyone who thinks that is spam. Haha. (Gets on boxing gloves).

Dysphoria sucks majorly. Agreed about the clothes thing.

When we have this Oasis meetup thats just oh so realistic (I wish), we can exchange wardrobes, sound good?

I sorta didn't really decide to leave college. It was because of my depression, someone kept writing up incident reports about me and so I sort of had to go on medical leave. They didn't have a good support system for me up near my school, so I came home to get intensive therapy treatment.
The letter is terribly hard to write and brings up bad memories.

Can you be my Oasis sister and I'll be your oasis brother? Pretty please.

arata13's picture

"When we have this Oasis

"When we have this Oasis meetup thats just oh so realistic (I wish), we can exchange wardrobes, sound good?" That does sound good.

"They didn't have a good support system for me up near my school" Aw.... lack of support = not good.
but I guess that the therapy is good... so?

"Can you be my Oasis sister and I'll be your oasis brother? Pretty please." what the heck sure!

BeachKingxx's picture

i get that adam's apple

i get that adam's apple thing, its definitely possible; weather it seems like it or not. i hate the whole chest thing, i just pretend theres nothing there, it helps a little.

funnyflyby's picture

Hmmm...

Can I be the gajindiak sibling? Whatever that would be called?
I'd kind of like an Adam's Apple... I don't actively want one but I'd be a little happy if a little one just showed up...
Wow, that sounds really strange, haha.
Wow.woW