I apologize for not responding to PMs lately and not writing a journal entry for a while now.
I'm not going to try and make excuses because I can't stand when people make b.s. excuses that you can see right through. So I'm not saying I was busy because I was and I wasn't.
I have started school, as many of you know, and while this takes up a good deal of time, its not all of my time. I recognize that I could have made a journal entry. I'm sorry and I hope you will forgive me.
I have also started my brand new therapy again and this one seems to be very intensive. I've gone through two days' worth so far, equivalent to six hours, and my brain feels drained from all the talking I've had to do. Which is good on the one hand, I think my voice is more passable when its raspy and tired. I haven't passed yet that I know of.
Anyway, so that's therapy. I've also been in a very strange mood as of lately. Last Tuesday, the dosage of one of my medications was increased due to persistent low moods, strong urges, and worsening anxiety. The medicine has made me really tired and I feel sort of out of it. That's also from therapy, I think. Because right after therapy its like I get these awful racing thoughts and so when I look back on the previous day, there are just these sort of gaps in time that I can't quite remember.
I have to admit, those gaps aren't completely unfamiliar to me. In therapy they give us homework which is hard but also comforting, having that certainty that I know I'll be back the next time.
I got my first treatment plan, officially, in a long while. It said some labels that I'm thinking of them, or trying to anyway, as just that--labels.
Anyway, I have the weekend to do some homework and studying for school and then some homework for therapy. I'm going to try and make myself sit down each day and write on here. Otherwise, I avoid it, like I have been doing because then I don't have to explain my thoughts or talk coherently. I sort of was avoiding it here because I didn't want to have to make sense.
So my challenge for myself is to write once a day this weekend on here and respond to the PMs that I've been getting. If I've taken a while to respond to your PM, don't take it as anything personal. I've just been sort of checked out of reality these last few weeks, or this last week, in particular.
I can barely remember things now as I look back and it all seems to be just a blur.