Sometimes, when things in my life start to progress, I start to wish they wouldn't.
So my ftm, trans friend, well I emailed him all the information about what size, style, color, quantity of the binder. He's buying it tonight. And sending it to his house and i'll pay him back. I'm so excited that I'll finally be able to wear a v-neck shirt. But I must admit, I'm also a little bit nervous.
As much as I'm glad to have things moving along, I also tend to cower when I begin to sense a commitment ahead. Such as this. When I see that there's more expected of me, I want to hide. I don't want to have to go through coming out to my parents, so please don't push me to do that.
I am very much afraid of doing this, but what I want to do tomorrow is call the person from therapy, the one that worked at a gender clinic nearby, and say to her "I'm not ready to tell my parents, I'm nervous, I don't know what I'm doing. But I ordered a chest binder." I want to say more. About how I just want to talk about things. but I'm sort of scared to say that to her.
OH, and sorry to those of you who had asked me to write more about the dialogue or whatever when I came out to that person at therapy. Just, I needed some sort of guide of what you all wanted me to expand upon.