Super Duck's picture

My mom is forcing me to go to a Super Bowl party later. I barely even know what football is. Also, her church is going to be there, and it'll be super awkward. Ughhh, there had better be some eye candy there, but I highly doubt it. But FCG does not grasp the idea of football or why it's popular either, so I am not alone! If freakazoids don't like it, then it is no good.

I feel so gross right now. I'm having that icky sinus drainage feeling in my throat, and I've sneezed a lot today. Also, my grandma got this fried chicken from a local restaurant that sells tons of fried chicken every Sunday. It's very good chicken, but every time I eat it, I have an awful stomach ache for a couple of hours due to all the grease. I hadn't eaten any in a while and forgot about this until I was well into my second piece.. OOPS.

Oh, you guys have to hear about this really freaky experience I had last night. I was staying at my dad's place since my sister was having a sleepover. My dad decided to go to his girlfriend's house, though, so I had it all to myself. He gets way more channels than I do at home, so I had the TV on and was just kinda flipping through the channels.

It was maybe 2 in the morning or so. I was just surfing the internet, and some weird, old children's TV show came on. It was honestly the freakiest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I'm 16 years old, and it scared me to death... How did little kids watch it!?

It was a live-action show, and it had these guys in mascot-like costumes, but they were all freaky looking. I think one was a dog, but I don't remember what the other guys were supposed to be. They were in this colorful room with random shit on the wall, and sometimes the screen would have these flashes of colors and patterns that would swirl around and generally look trippy. Then, one of the guys turned another guy into ice cream. It would also randomly cut to this island-looking place with stranded people on it or some shit, which wasn't really scary so much as it was weird for a kid show. It was like a group of druggies woke up one day and decided to make a TV show for children based on their latest acid trip, which just so happened to be a REALLY bad trip. The theme song, however, was catchy and will not leave my head. If there is a hell, it is the universe that show takes place in.

I am not entirely sure if it was all completely real or not. I think it was, but it was pretty late at night. I remember it pretty vividly, anyway. It was terrifying. I don't think I could ever even dream up something half as terrifying and cracked-out as that TV show, but I also kind of want to try just to see what I could come up with.

No, I couldn't change the channel. I was frozen, unable to tear myself away, mouth gaping with abject horror as I watched the acid trip unfold on screen. I can't even put into words how freaky it was.

Oh, holy fuck, you guys, there are now pictures on facebook of FCG and Old Crush dressed as... hippies. This is clearly a sign somehow. I normally am fascinated by the concept of hippies, but I don't want to even imagine the 60s/70s or hippies (No, not even cute freakazoid ones! Now you KNOW it had to have been bad!) or mascot costumes or anything for a while after that, uhh, experience.


loreonpravus's picture

Ah, football. I know how it

Ah, football. I know how it works, and I generally like watching most sports, but I just can't get into football.

So did you figure out what that show was called?

Also. Um. Facebook. I think I may know FCG's name =/

Super Duck's picture

I guess I don't understand

I guess I don't understand it because it's uber popular and way more hyped up than all the other sports, but I don't get what makes it so special.

No... I didn't. :( I'm just going to refer to it as the Scary Acid Trip Show.

Oh, you think so? That's okay if you do, just don't tell her ANYTHING I've EVER said about her XDDDD

loreonpravus's picture

Heh, it'd be kind of creepy

Heh, it'd be kind of creepy if a complete stranger from another country started talking to you... so I don't think I will be corresponding with her =D

elph's picture

Super Bowl... :(

...I'm with you on this one! It's a barbaric sport, just one step more civil than the gladiators mauling each other in the coliseum. We've progressed very little since.

Super Duck's picture

Yeahhh... From what I can

Yeahhh... From what I can tell, it's basically just a bunch of guys beating each other up.

elph's picture



Ask Tell Deceive's picture


Real football is much better, in our defense. Not that weird American nonsense. I mean, you're carrying the goddamn ball. Feet have so little to do with it it's ridiculous!

And no, I'm not English nor pretending to be. My parents are English.

I like to think of Chess and Debate as a sport (I miss High School Debate), so perhaps we can say we've progressed. Sort of.

Hey senator- love the dress.

Super Duck's picture

I think "handegg" is a more

I think "handegg" is a more fitting name for American football. :P

Ask Tell Deceive's picture

That or

Or, for short, the GWMWTSPAGATAGEOTGAAOB-inator.

Hey senator- love the dress.

MacAvity's picture

These two comments..... I

These two comments..... I struggle to suppress audible laughter at the comic brilliance.

ferrets's picture


football. my favorite thing EVVVVER. *sarcasm* i cant stand it. im so glad my dad isnt the sporty kind of guy who would want me to be one teams, cause i hate that kind of stuff.

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

Super Duck's picture

My dad actually couldn't

My dad actually couldn't care less about football... My mom is the one who's crazy over it!

Ask Tell Deceive's picture


Scary show.... Wouldn't happen to be 'Yo Gabba Gabba'? Or perhaps a parody of a Children's Show? Sounds almost like something The Mighty Boosh would do.

Hey senator- love the dress.

Super Duck's picture

No, it doesn't look like Yo

No, it doesn't look like Yo Gabba Gabba. It was from like, the 60s or 70s. It looked all old and stuff. The theme song went all like "Tralalala" if that helps any.

whateversexual_llama's picture

...am i the only person on

...am i the only person on this site who LIKES football? that said, i'm ditching the super bowl this year. I'm too stressed to watch.

i have a feeling that
1. the show was a nightmare and
2. you are going to become a world-famous ms paint recreater of nightmares. It's your calling. for reals.

Super Duck's picture

You guys...

I found it. Get ready to cry.

Ask Tell Deceive's picture

Holy shit;

It's a children's show for furries.

Hey senator- love the dress.

Super Duck's picture

Not just furries... DRUGGIE

Not just furries... DRUGGIE furries.

Ask Tell Deceive's picture

Because of it

I'm going to have to go through some sort of ritual cleansing now. I'm sure we have one.

Hey senator- love the dress.

Splash's picture

I'm scared to watch this...

...but I feel I must repeat my comment about you being the next Hyperbole and a Half. :-)

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

Super Duck's picture

Yeah, it's pretty

Yeah, it's pretty terrifying. XD

Aww, thank youuu!