Help, I've fallen and I can't get up! Damn relationships! (Seriously, please help.)

Ask Tell Deceive's picture

So, someone I've had my eye on for a very long time was in a relationship with another woman. This friend was obsessed with her. I've been obsessed with my friend for ages. I've basically devoted half of my time and willpower to making her happy, so it naturally angered me when she chose this other woman over me (irrational feelings). But I stuck with her, because I want what she wants. Whatever means she's happy.
Well, this woman sacked my friend, leaving my friend vulnerable and in a lot of pain. My first impulse was ''KILL THE MOTHERF*CKER!". But then I actually smiled. I was happy about it. Which made me angrier, except now at myself. My thoughts drifted towards
"She's single now, and the one thing in your way is now gone. Rejoice!".
What is wrong with me!? I love this girl and want the best for her, want her to be happy and healthy. But suddenly as soon as she is in the most pain, I am happy about it. I feel sick!
Can someone please give me some advice, or an example of what you've done in similar situations?


loreonpravus's picture

Okay, I'm a little confused

Okay, I'm a little confused as to who's who, but I'll give it my best shot. So basically, Friend You Like was obsessed with Another Woman and then Another Woman pwn'd Friend, and now you are happy that Friend is in pain?

Part of that happy-she's-in-pain probably comes from the resentment you had towards her for being with someone else. Loving someone doesn't necessarily mean you are totally concerned with them 100% of the time: take parents and their kids. There are times when a parent would like nothing more than to drop kick their kid for breaking a window or whatever, but at the end of the day they still love 'em, right?

Your "sadistic" feelings sound isolated to this situation,and you seem to feel guilty about feeling that way. I wouldn't be concerned about you being a sociopath or something like that. Also, you don't have to apologize for your feelings. Hearts have the IQ of a kumquat.

Ask Tell Deceive's picture


You have the people right. Sorry, I reread what I wrote and realized it was complete drivel.
Yeah, I guess you're right. I still feel bad, though. Thank you.

Hey senator- love the dress.

whateversexual_llama's picture

there's nothing wrong with

there's nothing wrong with feeling that way about your friend's situation- as long as you don't ACT ON IT. don't let yourself become a rebound or take advantage of the situation. she's hurting. but, something that made you unhappy ended. we all want what we want and there is NO reason to beat yourself up about it! it's totally normal. your love of your friend is still real.