The other night, in my media class we watched a movie that really triggered me. I felt the effects of it later that night as I sent texts to people not sounding like myself.
Which included a text to a close guy friend of mine (who I'm not out as trans to) and asked him what guy name he thought would suit me. He let a lot of time elapse before texting back, "I'm confused. Like a name if you were a guy?" And I texted "yes" going on to explain that I was sorry for my forwardness. Because I hate one-word texts.
He told me the name that suits me, the male name, and I don't know how I feel about it. It's Anthony. I've been told I'm an Anthony once(?) before, but never took it as much.
Then, today, as part of a psychology class, we were each assigned different names. The lecture was on learning by means of association. And so the teacher said that he would call us each names that had some sort of significance to him. He said someone he knew was named Tony. And asked who wanted to be Tony. Before thinking much about it, I raised my hand.
The teacher wrote my name on the board as Tony and refered to me as Tony every time he called on me. The names were based on people he knew and Tony was not used as a woman's nickname, but a macho man name, instead.
I don't think I'm supposed to like a guy's name as much as this, but I do.
I didnt want to take off the name tag.
He called me Tony every time he called on me in class. And the TAs (teaching assistants) were there and they said "(Insert girl birth name here), --er, I mean... Tony "
Am I weird for liking this so much? I almost don't want to change the lesson. Ever. I hope that I stay Tony for the rest of the semester. Oh, how GRAND that wouuld be!
While I'm on the trans topic, I have talked to that teacher and one or two of the TAs in the class about it.
And then on the public bus I overheard someone speaking on their cell phone and they said something along the lines of "Oh, did she comment on how lightly you pack?" I put my head in my hands, to stifle that laugh a little bit. The word "pack" makes me lose it every time. Oh, to be a trans man...