I won't delete this like the others.
I'm sorry I haven't been online much.
I don't know who I am or what I'm doing.
In life… what's the goal?
My t is less than one. I'm just a hindrace to the world.
I want a therapist. But that wouldn't work, because I'd always be worrying about what gaj'd think, what it could mean for my life.
I'm sick of worrying about my life.
It's getting to me. I feel like I have too much responsibility, and I don't. It's nothing compared to others. What right do I have to complain?
I almost cut myself 1/2 hr ago. Almost. My dad walked in the room and I lost my nerve.
I wouldn't have done it. I'm too much of a coward to do anything.
That's why I'm at my dad's house: I'm too scared to bust out. I provide myself excuses but really- they don't even fool me.
I hate gender. Mood swings? Nah. Genderswings. I feel so awkward and hateful and- dysphoria.
Jayjay and I aren't the same. We're growing apart. Jj is probably blaming one of us. It's neither of us. A bond formed in fourth grade over a schoolbus ride is nothing now.
I hate this stupid closet. WHAT THE HELL, I WANT TO COME OUT! But… as what? I don't even know. I call myself bi. Why? It's so rare for me to be attracted to a male… might I just be pretty-much-gay? Butthengenderandstuffandwhateverditchgajindiakandwhattheheckcantibemaybetransbutnotallthetimeandblahhhhhhhh
And then there's age. Nobodywill takea13yearoldseriously. I keep telling myself to waiiit… but why.
When I write journals like this theydon't get posted or even written outside my head.
I'm usually more put together on this site.
I don't know who I am. That's what it comes down to. Identity, personality- is all a person can have. I'm without that. It's too fluid.
who am i…
whats my life for…
Eli, I know I didn't PM back. Sorry.
Jayjay, I'm a horrible friend. Sorry.
Shneer, Other, Clueless, Gennifer- None of you know me. Sorryfor calling you friends when you know so little of me.
What's a friend?
Who/what am I?