Truly coming out

Obscured_Identity's picture

I need advice on how to really come out.
I am a gay 19 year old and I came out to my parents almost two years ago but they don't believe I'm gay. They have always told me that no matter what, they will support me and love me no matter what choices I make and they've said in the past that they wouldn't care if one of they're kids were gay, but obviously they do care.
When I came out they told me that they don't believe I'm gay and that they think I'm confused. They havn't mentioned my sexuality since and still point out girls and hint at girlfriends, etc. And if I mention having kids in the future my mom gets quite excited, hoping I would have them with a woman.
This is frustrating especially because that I havn't gotten up the courage to actually tell them that it doesn't matter what they think, I am not confused, I am in love with other men.
I also need help with coming out at work...
I've been working at my job for almost a year and a half and its in a field that I would like to have a career in in the future. My boss' are awesome. They have taken me under they're wing and Im sort of an apprentice and they're showing me the ropes and providing me with training and oppurtunities I can't find elsewhere.
I'm afraid that if I come out that they may treat me differently and It will effect my relationships at work and my career goals.
If any one could help me and give me tips and support it would be much appreciated!

Punkish Insanity's picture

adressing both of

adressing both of those....
my mom did the same thing. She told me I was confused and that i'll learn soon enough that guys are better. I don't know a parent that does what their kid to be gay, and even though they say that it'd be okay with them it really isn't when it comes right down to it. They have this dilusion that their kids are going to have this perfect life, and gayness usually doesn't factor in to that; it catches them off guard, so they choose to not believe it. As for the love/support part, they weren't lying about that. My mom doesn't like or believe that i'm lesbian, but she'll always love me and support what i'm doing if she thinks its not going to harm me. You just have to sort of live with the fact that your parents probably won't believe it until it smacks them in the face (for example, you introduce them to your boyfriend of five months, six months, etc.) and even though that might scare them, they'll always love you.
As for the work thing, don't make your gayness a public announcement. Make it a subtle thing. If someone asks a question directed towards you about your love life, just roll with it. say something like "well, my boyfriend/the guy i like...." it's a subtle way to show people that you're gay and comfortable with it. They might stop you mid-sentance and ask straight up if your gay, and just reply yes and keep going. Or they might just catch on and go with it. You shouldn't make it a big deal, because then everyone else will make it a big deal about it too. If you run into chicken house screaming, all of the chickens are going to scream and run too. But if you walk in calmly and quietly they're probably not going to freak out. Bad analogy, but you get it right?
Hope this helps.

~ It's a cosmic joke that I'm a lesbian, because I understand men so well but women are a complete mystery to me.

Obscured_Identity's picture


Thanks PI, Thats pretty much what I am going to do with both situations, I guess I just needed some reassurance.
My parents will realize sooner or later that yes I am gay, whether its when I introduce them to a boyfriend, when they see me kiss a boyfriend, or one day when I'm engaged to another man.
And with work they seem to really like me and I've never mentioned a girlfriend or previous girlfriends and they know I'm into things that the "typical" straight guy is not. So it will all come together sooner or later, it's just all a little frustrating at the time being, so thanks!

Punkish Insanity's picture


No problem. Sorry for making you read my little rant though, I'm just kind of passionate about the whole gay rights/coming out thing lol

~ It's a cosmic joke that I'm a lesbian, because I understand men so well but women are a complete mystery to me.

jeff's picture


If your parents don't believe you, there is an easy solution. Do you have a camcorder?

I'm always out at work, and at this point, I don't come out. I just am out. I just started a new job, and people ask if I have a girlfriend, and I just reply, "I'm gay, but I don't have a boyfriend." I always figure it is better to surround yourself with people in your personal and work life whose support is conditional upon you having to lie.

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

oldfoxbob's picture

right Jeff

I agree with Jeff on being out at work...If any one asks if you have a Girl Friend, then just simply say that your gay and dont have a boy friend at this time, and keep on doing what you were doing as if nothing happened.
As far as the parents are considered, do you know a good friend who is also Gay? If so then ask him to come over some time and hold hands ( pre arranged between the two of you) and sit real close on the couch and watch a movie when the parents are around. Thus you will put it right up front. Only do this once, and then when you do get a perm boy friend you will feel more comfortable doing that in front of them as they will not be so shocked shall we say. As you know all parents want grand children to spoil. To have a "Gay" son means to them no grand Children, or so they think. They do not think of adoption or the like. That is why they never seem to except a gay son. Just remember that they do really love you, and want only the best for you. You just need to show that being gay is the best for you.
Good luck and God bless

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.